Originally Posted by MightyMoose
To TRy and EleGirl...
I respect the concern you have for the idea of my wife going out and joining a band, but that isnt really what she is looking to do. It might be a song or two in a gig or two now and then. they have a lead vocalist, but would like to do a couple songs with a female lead. She doesnt even know whether or not they like her voice enough to offer her the opportunity yet.
Also, I have never been, and will never be one to tell her what she can and cannot do. She has never seen that from me, and I cant see it as anything but negative to start now, just when something exciting might be happening. As ive mentioned before...she has never been anything but respectful of our marriage and has come down hard on others who have displayed little or none.
I have always said that if she is going to cheat, she will do it and there is nothing I am going to do about it. People are responsible for their own decisions, and cheating is a decision. Just like not attending enough to my wife's needs has been a decision. I am not going to go out of my way to start acting like she has given me a reason to suspect when she has never done ANYTHING of the sort. Honestly, considering the way our relationship has been over the last 13 years, and the way we have conducted ourselves, I would expect her to be insulted by any direct or indirect insinuation. I know I sure as hell would be. She actually has been in a couple situations where she had knowledge of someone cheating on their spouse, and I've seen her reaction and her rants about the offender. She would have to be an incredible hypocrite to act in exactly the manner she has repeatedly and angrily condemned, and that is hard to imagine since I have never known her to be hypocritical about anything.
You can completely write off everything you've said here. Unfortuntately, you could be writing the first paragragh for hundreds of posters in the infidelity section.
First off, the odds your wife is cheating are low but still about 1 in 5. All the conditions are present for it. Along with
millions of others who do and millions who don't cheat.
Do you have access to all her passwords to her phone/texts,emails, computers/facebook etc.?
Trust but verify is the only way to rule this out first.
Joining a band would not be an option in my marriage any more than a girls night out(bar/club hopping) or separate vacations, or a job with traveling. I am way to experienced to even consider things like that.
Here are some books that can help. "Five Love Languages", "Love Busters", "His Needs Her Needs" and "Married Man Sex Life" (not a sex manual but the dynamic between men and women) is the most improtant. Here is a website: Married Man Sex Life
Your biggest problem and hers is that neither she nor you can identify what the specific problem is and that is a real danger.
In the books mentioned above are some tests that the two of you can go through that may give you some insight. MMSL is just for the husband to read.
If you don't see improvement soon, seek counseling before its to late. Good counselors are hard to find so if you go that route don't hesitate to pull the plug on one.