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Sunshiney Days · 03-18-2012, 10:09 AM

I can completely relate to your situation. Except, I am the wife in the situation. And it appears we are the same point in our relationship as you are in yours.

I am miserable right now. I decided, with a lot of pressure from my husband, to stay home with my almost 1 year old daughter. Probably a good call since we found out I was pregnant with our second child that summer. My children are now 5 and 6 years old. I have loved having the chance to stay home with my children. To raise them. But it is boring. Days can go by without having another adult to talk to. Would I change all of that? No. My children are first and foremost.
However, my husband would come home from work... stressed from something, tired, etc and I still had to do everything. Help with homework, entertain the younger one, make dinner, clean up dinner, give baths, put kids to bed... etc etc etc. He would pop his head in occasionally to say good night to the kids but that was the extent of his involvement. I am a SAHM so it's my job to do everyhthing kid-oriented. I was/am exhausted mentally most days.
Our evenings would be sitting in front of the tv. Super exciting there. He goes golfing about once a week with his friends. And of course this upsets me to no end.... he barely has time for us as it is and then he spends another whole day away from us when he could be with us. And I feel guilty thinking that because I know he needs an outlet too... but when is enough enough? When do I get whole days to myself? To be kid-free? Husband-free? Just to focus on myself? So I have internal conflict there... I want him to be happy, but I want to be a priority too. We have not had a date-night in a LONG time... if we do, I am normally the one arranging it, planning it. OR it is something HE wants to do which is the only reason he is making an attempt.
Part of me knows that I need a 'hobby' but I am not musically inclined, artistically inclined, etc. We don't really have that much money to be spending it uselessly. So I stick with being a mom.... since that pretty much takes up all my time as it is.
A lot of my aggravation with my husband comes from his unwillingness to be a good, active father as well. When I DO go somewhere and leave them with him, I know they are put in front of the TV pretty much the whole time I am gone. I have to nag him to attend any of their activities. Or he will go in spurts where he is Mr. Dad but that passes just as quickly as it arose. I know he loves them... but they are only young once. I see their little faces when he goes golfing instead of their gymnastics. It breaks my heart and makes me that more resentful of him.

There is no closeness between us anymore. I am tired, sad, and left wanting more. And I am almost to that point that it's not HIM I want more of... but of someone who would truly put me and my kids first in his life. Who enjoys being with us (because even when he is with us physically, he's not there mentally/emotionally). I would never have an affair (who has time for that anyway) but I am on the brink of starting divorce proceedings. The only thing holding me back is that I am still a SAHM with no income and I will be damned if I walk out without my kids.

Wow, I apologize for this being so long!!!

03-18-2012, 10:09 AM	#25 (permalink)
Sunshiney Days Registered User Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 2	Re: She's unhappy, and I'm puzzled I can completely relate to your situation. Except, I am the wife in the situation. And it appears we are the same point in our relationship as you are in yours. I am miserable right now. I decided, with a lot of pressure from my husband, to stay home with my almost 1 year old daughter. Probably a good call since we found out I was pregnant with our second child that summer. My children are now 5 and 6 years old. I have loved having the chance to stay home with my children. To raise them. But it is boring. Days can go by without having another adult to talk to. Would I change all of that? No. My children are first and foremost. However, my husband would come home from work... stressed from something, tired, etc and I still had to do everything. Help with homework, entertain the younger one, make dinner, clean up dinner, give baths, put kids to bed... etc etc etc. He would pop his head in occasionally to say good night to the kids but that was the extent of his involvement. I am a SAHM so it's my job to do everyhthing kid-oriented. I was/am exhausted mentally most days. Our evenings would be sitting in front of the tv. Super exciting there. He goes golfing about once a week with his friends. And of course this upsets me to no end.... he barely has time for us as it is and then he spends another whole day away from us when he could be with us. And I feel guilty thinking that because I know he needs an outlet too... but when is enough enough? When do I get whole days to myself? To be kid-free? Husband-free? Just to focus on myself? So I have internal conflict there... I want him to be happy, but I want to be a priority too. We have not had a date-night in a LONG time... if we do, I am normally the one arranging it, planning it. OR it is something HE wants to do which is the only reason he is making an attempt. Part of me knows that I need a 'hobby' but I am not musically inclined, artistically inclined, etc. We don't really have that much money to be spending it uselessly. So I stick with being a mom.... since that pretty much takes up all my time as it is. A lot of my aggravation with my husband comes from his unwillingness to be a good, active father as well. When I DO go somewhere and leave them with him, I know they are put in front of the TV pretty much the whole time I am gone. I have to nag him to attend any of their activities. Or he will go in spurts where he is Mr. Dad but that passes just as quickly as it arose. I know he loves them... but they are only young once. I see their little faces when he goes golfing instead of their gymnastics. It breaks my heart and makes me that more resentful of him. There is no closeness between us anymore. I am tired, sad, and left wanting more. And I am almost to that point that it's not HIM I want more of... but of someone who would truly put me and my kids first in his life. Who enjoys being with us (because even when he is with us physically, he's not there mentally/emotionally). I would never have an affair (who has time for that anyway) but I am on the brink of starting divorce proceedings. The only thing holding me back is that I am still a SAHM with no income and I will be damned if I walk out without my kids. Wow, I apologize for this being so long!!!