Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

swedish · 03-31-2008, 07:56 AM

I just read your original post, and am sorry to hear you are going through this. The constant obsessive thoughts are totally normal but it does get better as time goes on. Some days are better than others, and I'm sorry this is a bad one for you, but hang in there. I do think everything you're feeling now is part of the healing process.

I'm not sure of your husband's mindset but there can be a lot of feelings of shame and guilt on his part so every time you bring it up, he has those feelings of shame/guilt again. I know this was true for my husband so it was difficult for a while, but he understood why I was asking (to not keep playing the 'what ifs' in my head) and not to punish him or make him feel bad (although it did). After six months, I decided to start the new year by looking forward and at all of the good things in our marriage as a result of us getting to the point of talking about why we were unhappy. I still have my bad days (just went through a 3 day spell of bad thoughts, etc.) and honestly he sees it and asks what's wrong and I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it, so I have a way to go myself in this healing process.

One thing I did do was focus more on myself and being happy...started going to the gym again & decorating the house, bought some new clothes, joined the neighborhood Bunko group, changed my hairstyle. It did help me to feel more in control of my emotions & had the added benefit of my husband telling me he can't believe how good I look, etc. which has a lot to do with self-confidence and how I carry myself now more than anything else I think. In addition to being more in control of my own emotions, I also feel I have more control over our relationship because we are now both actively working to keep it strong.

I'm glad you are both going to counseling. With the major weight loss, I would imagine there are many mixed emotions that go along with that (both physically and mentally) and I hope you are both able to come to terms with that individually.

@BrokenFrag-I'm glad to hear you work out...helps me too!

03-31-2008, 07:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
swedish Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Near Chicago Posts: 561	Re: Please help...I feel so low today I just read your original post, and am sorry to hear you are going through this. The constant obsessive thoughts are totally normal but it does get better as time goes on. Some days are better than others, and I'm sorry this is a bad one for you, but hang in there. I do think everything you're feeling now is part of the healing process. I'm not sure of your husband's mindset but there can be a lot of feelings of shame and guilt on his part so every time you bring it up, he has those feelings of shame/guilt again. I know this was true for my husband so it was difficult for a while, but he understood why I was asking (to not keep playing the 'what ifs' in my head) and not to punish him or make him feel bad (although it did). After six months, I decided to start the new year by looking forward and at all of the good things in our marriage as a result of us getting to the point of talking about why we were unhappy. I still have my bad days (just went through a 3 day spell of bad thoughts, etc.) and honestly he sees it and asks what's wrong and I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it, so I have a way to go myself in this healing process. One thing I did do was focus more on myself and being happy...started going to the gym again & decorating the house, bought some new clothes, joined the neighborhood Bunko group, changed my hairstyle. It did help me to feel more in control of my emotions & had the added benefit of my husband telling me he can't believe how good I look, etc. which has a lot to do with self-confidence and how I carry myself now more than anything else I think. In addition to being more in control of my own emotions, I also feel I have more control over our relationship because we are now both actively working to keep it strong. I'm glad you are both going to counseling. With the major weight loss, I would imagine there are many mixed emotions that go along with that (both physically and mentally) and I hope you are both able to come to terms with that individually. @BrokenFrag-I'm glad to hear you work out...helps me too!