| | Ashamed about being betrayed & being in limbo. Your thoughts?
So, WH/STBXH & I are separated. Have been for 6 months. He cheated and became emotionally verbally abusive because he's got an anger problem that escalated because of uncontrolled illness. He didn't like the family intervention and blames me and my family for it and makes angry vague threats of violence frequently (most likely just angry macho talk meant to make me feel bad for what he's going through, but part of me is scared -- mainly because he so betrayed me that I feel like nothing is safe anymore and am a wreck). However, I'm having a hard time dealing with it. Because life basically fell apart after DDay (I mean, REALLY fell apart), I've been a big mess. I've been keeping to myself as much as possible because I think everyone can see what a mess I am. Today, lack of sleep and too much stress made me a little too chatty for my own good and now I feel like I've shown my roommates that I'm a total insane mess. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I'm not really insane or usually so pathetic, just kind of a wreck from all that's happened. I feel like a complete and total fool and I couldn't stop myself from spilling my guts. It feels like a new low. I don't want like to talk about my situation and I wish I was recovering better, but I end up babbling about it if anyone asks and then...I can't get a grip on myself for a while.
How do you deal with the embarrassment and shame of accidentally letting people see what a mess you are while in limbo and dealing with marriage-destruction fallout?
I feel like that line in the REM song "Losing My Religion", when he so plaintively sings his anguish in the line, "Oh no, I've said too much! I haven't said enough..." How can I stop falling apart at inappropriate times and losing my composure?
Last edited by desert-rose; 03-19-2012 at 01:19 AM.