Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
I just pray that infidelity isn't what's happened in your case because what JNJ says is exactly what needs to happen in order to have any shot at stopping an affair. Now you may view that sort of advice as manipulative and I agree that using an empty threat of divorce is very dangerous. But clearly stating to your spouse that while you cannot control them you can inform them what would happen if they continue to act a certain way (like continuing an affair or being abusive or neglectful) it would mean divorce.
Now I'm not saying to spout out frivolous threats like, "You didn't take the garbage out, if you do that again, I'll file!" But in drastic cases where its obvious that particular behavior is very damaging to a marriage, it is not out of bounds to state what will happen if it continues and the problem isn't addressed.
Absolutely agree. It has been a clear message to and from both my wife and i that an affair is a deal breaker. That was clarified long before we ever took our vows. While i have said on multiple occasions in this thread that both of us are free to live our lives, it is also understood that if either of us has an affair, that person is "free" to pick their stuff up off the porch at their convenience.
And it's not as though it is a line drawn in the sand years ago and it may have faded over time. Three idea has been reinforced pretty much every time we have spoken about it happening to some other couple. Not in a confrontational way, but as a resolute, common understanding. Posted via Mobile Device