Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

BrokenFrag · 04-01-2008, 06:45 AM

I have lost faith in my wife's ability to do the right thing. She promised several times to "try" to "work" on our marriage, but she hasn't done anything yet other than not leave. I have made my case. I have done everything I can think of. I have even already lost 5 pounds (only 30 more to go!). I have appealed to her sense of honor, commitment, friendship, love, sentimentality, dignity, guilt, etc. I have said the same thing 100 different ways, but she still cannot accept responsibility for her own life. She broke our marriage. She can fix it. I have been a willing and dedicated participant since the day I met her. She refuses to believe that she can make all this work, and that she can make herself happy. She refuses to even try to believe. She thinks that maybe fate is telling us it wasn't meant to be, because otherwise wouldn't she want to try? She is lost, and it is tragic, and I don't want to give up, but I need to be able to live my life as well. I can't sleep, my work is being affected, and I am sure that sooner or later, my health will be impacted. Everyday I wonder if she will be home when I get there. Every night I go to bed wondering if this is our last night together.

She can't commit to a timeframe other than today for me. She is starting to convince herself that she doesn't even love me as a friend, because wouldn't a friend try to help another one out? She is so afraid of trying and putting in effort that she has resorted to telling herself that the last 10 years didn't even happen. She writes in a journal daily about how she is feeling (she tries to write it all in verse), and while I have respected her privacy, I can tell that all she writes about is how tragic her life is and how the only way out is to leave.

At any rate, how long do I keep trying? At what point do I cut my losses and start over? I know that an arbitrary time period doesn't mean anything. 2 weeks or 2 years doesn't matter if one of both has given up. How do I tell if she has given up entirely?

04-01-2008, 06:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
BrokenFrag Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 81	When do you finally give up? I have lost faith in my wife's ability to do the right thing. She promised several times to "try" to "work" on our marriage, but she hasn't done anything yet other than not leave. I have made my case. I have done everything I can think of. I have even already lost 5 pounds (only 30 more to go!). I have appealed to her sense of honor, commitment, friendship, love, sentimentality, dignity, guilt, etc. I have said the same thing 100 different ways, but she still cannot accept responsibility for her own life. She broke our marriage. She can fix it. I have been a willing and dedicated participant since the day I met her. She refuses to believe that she can make all this work, and that she can make herself happy. She refuses to even try to believe. She thinks that maybe fate is telling us it wasn't meant to be, because otherwise wouldn't she want to try? She is lost, and it is tragic, and I don't want to give up, but I need to be able to live my life as well. I can't sleep, my work is being affected, and I am sure that sooner or later, my health will be impacted. Everyday I wonder if she will be home when I get there. Every night I go to bed wondering if this is our last night together. She can't commit to a timeframe other than today for me. She is starting to convince herself that she doesn't even love me as a friend, because wouldn't a friend try to help another one out? She is so afraid of trying and putting in effort that she has resorted to telling herself that the last 10 years didn't even happen. She writes in a journal daily about how she is feeling (she tries to write it all in verse), and while I have respected her privacy, I can tell that all she writes about is how tragic her life is and how the only way out is to leave. At any rate, how long do I keep trying? At what point do I cut my losses and start over? I know that an arbitrary time period doesn't mean anything. 2 weeks or 2 years doesn't matter if one of both has given up. How do I tell if she has given up entirely?