Originally Posted by A Bit Much
Nobody is telling you not to post any postive interactions. You can do what you want here.
My comments were merely stating that the crumbs she throws you shouldn't be taken as a 'light at the end of the tunnel'. You're grasping, and that's natural for someone in your position, but please don't lose focus.
She's doing what she needs to do to maintain her lifestyle as it is. There are reasons for that. NOBODY does something for nothing in return, not even you right now.
I can see that my comments are upsetting from your point of view and for that I apologize. I honestly believe you want to fix whats wrong, but like I said before, I've been where she is and can understand her demeanor and mood swings with you. The difference being, I wasn't badmouthing my ex to anyone. I didn't see that as being productive, as whatever was wrong was for me to work out with him. Her behavior in that regard is only fueling her negative feelings toward you in general. It's helping her to continue to be distant. If she wasn't doing that, then maybe your efforts would be more acknowledged.
I really hope she's not biding her time. I really hope she's not playing you until she has a way out. It all just sounds eerily familiar.
I'm glad you posted this. I had a similar experience in my situation but I didn't want to alarm Paulinator. I thought we were having some breakthroughs and things were going really well right before my wife's ONS. Actually the night before we had what I considered the best date of our life and I was hopeful that we were on the road to a healthy marriage. And then BOOM, next night she goes out and has a ONS.
Some of the healthy relationship actions were there but her mindset hadn't changed. She was still feeling trapped, hopeless, bored, etc.
I don't say that to scare you, just to let you know that you're not out of the woods and you shouldn't stop being vigilant. I still think your wife is unhappy, and unhappy women do stupid things "on accident." She has the mindset of a woman about to start an affair. Being at the wrong place at the wrong time could end in her infidelity.
Continue working on yourself, doing the MAP, and stay vigilant with your marriage. Show your wife, while you're doing this, that you're a strong guy, but still able to support her emotionally. That may look a little different than you think. Not just about being a "nice guy", but about listening to her without trying to fix things.
My wife explained it to me like this. In the day to day stuff, I was not there for her emotionally (this came out as general griping from her end). When her dad died, she said I was exactly what she needed. I tried to remember what I was like at that time. Basically I just there for her. Different than most of the time, I never tried to make her get over it, I just listened.