Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Stephanie Lynn · 03-22-2012, 04:22 AM

My husband came home on 6/15/2011 and told me he was unhappy, wanted space and was considering leaving. I was devastated. I didn't see it coming, although I observed his increased use on his iphone. He told me he wanted to be gone for a week. He did, but he brought his OW from his 2 month EA up for a visit. I didn't know that. After his 2 nights with her, he called me and said he missed me and that he wanted to come home. I was elated, still did not know about the OW til the next week I saw his iphone while we were in bed together, he was sexting with her. He told me that was nothing but a friend. We continued to live together for another month and a half. He told me he loved her and me. I told him he had to make a decision. He moved out the next week and took nothing but his clothes and personals, leaving all the rest of his stuff in the house for me to clean up.

I ended up taking a 7 wk medical leave, diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. He could not understand why I couldn't work like he was.

I've known him for 25 years. We had a brief encounter when we first met, then went on and married other people, had kids, etc. Ran into him 10 years later and we were both separated. Got together and married. He told me that lightening doesn't strike in 2 places, I had to be his wife forever. Fast forward 10 years, our anniversary, we went on a trip and he gave me a beautiful ring with 10 princess set diamonds and as I opened the gift, he played "The Time of my Life" on his iphone. We were joined at the hip and spent every minute together that we had. I had no idea he would eventually leave me.

He met the OW on Twitter. She lives 250 miles away. He was seeing her on the weekends before he left, claiming he needed time by himself. After he moved out, I became the "bad guy". I cannot even talk to him anymore because he is so toxic, and I can't take a chance on undoing what therapy did for me.

I had been on a special project at work, which caused me to be grouchy, naggy, and unattentive. He could not sustain. He and the OW became emotionally attached, as he began to detach from me. I can see the signs of MLC, as he started changing when he turned 40. It took him 3 years to fully get to the point that he wanted something/someone else. He said I wasn't the woman he married. When I started making positive changes, he said, "where has that women I married been?" But it was too late. OW had said all the right things, including that she didn't care that he was married. She is 41, H is 43, and I am 56.

I have loved this man for 25 years. I know everything about him - more than his mother does. For him to fall out of love with me is still devastating. I realize he's probably gone for good, but I still love him and miss him, even though he strayed. We had a great life, although when he left he told me it was 12 years of misery. He blamed everything on me, taking none for himself.

I'm just wondering if he will try to come back. Next month it will be 8 months that he's been gone. I have filed for divorce (in Dec) and he must have some sorry attorney who refuses to answer my attorney.

The problem I have is that if he wanted to come back (which I hear sometimes they do), I would want him. I understand his childhood issues and what he went through, so I can forgive him. I still love him and miss him. But I'm sad to think he'll eventually end up with the OW - one will have to move 250 miles. I will appreciate your thoughts.

03-22-2012, 04:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
Stephanie Lynn Registered User Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 8	I miss my husband My husband came home on 6/15/2011 and told me he was unhappy, wanted space and was considering leaving. I was devastated. I didn't see it coming, although I observed his increased use on his iphone. He told me he wanted to be gone for a week. He did, but he brought his OW from his 2 month EA up for a visit. I didn't know that. After his 2 nights with her, he called me and said he missed me and that he wanted to come home. I was elated, still did not know about the OW til the next week I saw his iphone while we were in bed together, he was sexting with her. He told me that was nothing but a friend. We continued to live together for another month and a half. He told me he loved her and me. I told him he had to make a decision. He moved out the next week and took nothing but his clothes and personals, leaving all the rest of his stuff in the house for me to clean up. I ended up taking a 7 wk medical leave, diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. He could not understand why I couldn't work like he was. I've known him for 25 years. We had a brief encounter when we first met, then went on and married other people, had kids, etc. Ran into him 10 years later and we were both separated. Got together and married. He told me that lightening doesn't strike in 2 places, I had to be his wife forever. Fast forward 10 years, our anniversary, we went on a trip and he gave me a beautiful ring with 10 princess set diamonds and as I opened the gift, he played "The Time of my Life" on his iphone. We were joined at the hip and spent every minute together that we had. I had no idea he would eventually leave me. He met the OW on Twitter. She lives 250 miles away. He was seeing her on the weekends before he left, claiming he needed time by himself. After he moved out, I became the "bad guy". I cannot even talk to him anymore because he is so toxic, and I can't take a chance on undoing what therapy did for me. I had been on a special project at work, which caused me to be grouchy, naggy, and unattentive. He could not sustain. He and the OW became emotionally attached, as he began to detach from me. I can see the signs of MLC, as he started changing when he turned 40. It took him 3 years to fully get to the point that he wanted something/someone else. He said I wasn't the woman he married. When I started making positive changes, he said, "where has that women I married been?" But it was too late. OW had said all the right things, including that she didn't care that he was married. She is 41, H is 43, and I am 56. I have loved this man for 25 years. I know everything about him - more than his mother does. For him to fall out of love with me is still devastating. I realize he's probably gone for good, but I still love him and miss him, even though he strayed. We had a great life, although when he left he told me it was 12 years of misery. He blamed everything on me, taking none for himself. I'm just wondering if he will try to come back. Next month it will be 8 months that he's been gone. I have filed for divorce (in Dec) and he must have some sorry attorney who refuses to answer my attorney. The problem I have is that if he wanted to come back (which I hear sometimes they do), I would want him. I understand his childhood issues and what he went through, so I can forgive him. I still love him and miss him. But I'm sad to think he'll eventually end up with the OW - one will have to move 250 miles. I will appreciate your thoughts.