Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Found out about PA 2 months ago, now feeling lost

Initfortheduration · 03-22-2012, 11:43 PM

Yeah, she lost her attraction because of your response. Shes lost her respect for you. Tomorrow, tell he you have been thinking, and that she is right. Tell her that you need some time away from her and would she mind moving back with her folks or a friend. Be nonchallant about. Kind of matter of fact.

Understand, if she does not respect you. She cannot love you. Respect is critical for love. Don't make a long discussion of it. Don't try to fix anything. She is evaluating her options. You are simply going to take one away from her.......YOU. Do the 180. Focus on you and your newborn. Please understand, that I am pro marriage. Been married 32 years.

I can guarantee she will do a double take. And going through her mind will be " I think I pushed him to far. Could he really want a divorce? All I wanted to do was deflect guilt over cheating on him. Hes just been so needy lately."

Keep up the 180. Disengage, focus on yourself. Do not contact her other then to deal with finances or the baby. No anger, you just have more important things to do then chase someone "who is not that attracted to you".

This is no guarantee. It is a way to clear away her "fog". She needs to experience single motherhood for a while. No fights, no arguments, no I love yous, also separate finances. She needs to start thinking of how she will support her and her daughter. 50/50 custody. Pick up the baby, but don't even ask how she has been. If she asks, tell her "everything is fine" Then change the subject to the baby.

In relationships there is space between couples. The idea is to make that space as narrow as possible. She has pulled away, and so naturally you want to fill that vacuum, to maintain that narrow space. Now is the time for you to pull away, as hard as it is. Hopefully, she will want to fill that space.

Lastly, I don't know why you want to stay with her? She was in a relationship, while she carried your child. I would divorce and never look back. Also tell the other mans wife. Stir the pot. If she asks why, tell her you thought about it, and his wife deserved to know. And you definitely need to out her to all friends and family. That's my advice.

03-22-2012, 11:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
Initfortheduration Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,557	Re: Found out about PA 2 months ago, now feeling lost Yeah, she lost her attraction because of your response. Shes lost her respect for you. Tomorrow, tell he you have been thinking, and that she is right. Tell her that you need some time away from her and would she mind moving back with her folks or a friend. Be nonchallant about. Kind of matter of fact. Understand, if she does not respect you. She cannot love you. Respect is critical for love. Don't make a long discussion of it. Don't try to fix anything. She is evaluating her options. You are simply going to take one away from her.......YOU. Do the 180. Focus on you and your newborn. Please understand, that I am pro marriage. Been married 32 years. I can guarantee she will do a double take. And going through her mind will be " I think I pushed him to far. Could he really want a divorce? All I wanted to do was deflect guilt over cheating on him. Hes just been so needy lately." Keep up the 180. Disengage, focus on yourself. Do not contact her other then to deal with finances or the baby. No anger, you just have more important things to do then chase someone "who is not that attracted to you". This is no guarantee. It is a way to clear away her "fog". She needs to experience single motherhood for a while. No fights, no arguments, no I love yous, also separate finances. She needs to start thinking of how she will support her and her daughter. 50/50 custody. Pick up the baby, but don't even ask how she has been. If she asks, tell her "everything is fine" Then change the subject to the baby. In relationships there is space between couples. The idea is to make that space as narrow as possible. She has pulled away, and so naturally you want to fill that vacuum, to maintain that narrow space. Now is the time for you to pull away, as hard as it is. Hopefully, she will want to fill that space. Lastly, I don't know why you want to stay with her? She was in a relationship, while she carried your child. I would divorce and never look back. Also tell the other mans wife. Stir the pot. If she asks why, tell her you thought about it, and his wife deserved to know. And you definitely need to out her to all friends and family. That's my advice. Last edited by Initfortheduration; 03-22-2012 at 11:47 PM.