MAidenhail

Oh man. Im pretty upset. I have lately had very troubling bouts of depression and anger when Im around other people. I just feel so crazy I cant explain it. IT mostly goes away but its overwhleming and feels out of my control. Well during one of these episodes my boyfiend who is an incredibly gentle and wonderful man came over to me to like sit on me or something to get close and cheer me up and I pushed him away, not hard but disrespectfully. He was upset and we talked about it. But then today I had another one of my moods and he was being cheery and what have you and we both stopped walking to let the other person go through a door and I got so irritated I pushed him and said go!. Again, not hard, just disrespectfully. Again he was mad, and hurt. but I just had to leave because I was so upset with myself thinking IM this monster who abuses their lover. I felt the worst I ve ever felt in my life. I dont know what to do or what to think. ANy help I really need it thank you.