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Old 03-25-2012, 01:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
Janelle_
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
Default Sexless Relationship, but both of us want sex

I've read though a lot of posts on here and feel slightly better that I'm not the only one with a problem, however my situation is a bit unique. I'm hoping to get some good advice from other men who can maybe help me understand what hes trying to tell me. I know that at times I do not understand what hes saying because I'm so emotionally invested that my mind twists the meaning, so I thought it was worth a shot.

As it stands, he and I have sex about once every couple of months. It has always been this way, ever since the beggining of the relationship five years ago, it started off long distance so it wasn't such a huge issue but the last two years have been live in and nothing has changed, if anything its gotten worse. We have talked about the problem many, many times and to be honest I'm getting tired of it, I just don't know how many more times we can just keep talking about the same things. He says he wants a better sex life, complains that he wants a hot sex life and so do I. You'd think that would make it easy but every time I try to initiate at all, even just touch his thiegh, he tells me to relax, that I'm being too agressive and that he doesn't want the deer hunting him. Its a total turn off for him. That being said, I don't feel like he chases me at all, I think at this point he sees it as a chore and doesn't want the hastle. Usually what happens is after 3 weeks or so of nothing but cuddling I'll reach out to him and get totally shot down because everything I try is wrong, wich of course causes emotional hurt and so on and so forth. Today when we woke up he says he wants to go with me to find an escourt service or someone else he can pay to teach me how to be sexy, have me take classes and such. I feel like I'm doing everything he asks me to do, but if I just let it go and do nothing, not even mention it for weeks at a time he just doesn't take the initiative.

Funilly enough, other than the intimacy, we have a perfect relationship, he treats me like a queen and I spoil him rotten. He tells me all the time that he loves me more than hes ever loved anyone and that he'll love me no matter what, that he just wants to fix the problem because right now apparently the only one who would sleep with me is some over sexed teen who would just be grateful to get laid. We are very good together, we cuddle and love on eachother all the time, more than any couple I've seen. I'm sure part of the problem is that I've been with him since I was 17 and have never been with anyone else, and since we never had a real sex life I guess you could call me pretty inexperienced still, so by now I'm just completely lost. With him being 12 years older he wants someone with more finess but I feel thats unfair as I've never had the chance to learn but apparently I don't get the chance to learn until I know how to do it.

I'm hoping someone outside the situation might have some insight.
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