I am unsure whether the issues are strictly the same for men and women (other than the issues being compounded selfishness and misunderstandings).
I think it really depends on the individuals.
From what I have seen from men - the act of receiving a BJ is the ultimate act in seeing that your wife truly desires you above all others. It's an act where the man gives up his control, does not have to be in charge, and strongly relates to his wife showing him that she desires and admires everything about him. A lot of a man's 'manhood' is defined by his manhood, you know?
I don't know that women see receiving oral sex in the same way - some maybe do. But a lot of women also see receiving oral sex as one of the few ways that they can actually achieve an orgasm - something that a BJ is typically not for a man.