Originally Posted by Browncoat
First off I'm really sorry to hear he's putting you through all this.
Secondly from what you are describing he's being extremely selfish and he's cheating on you... in his heart at least if not in action. He should not have secret relationships/communication with any woman.
Selfish in that he's satisfying himself sexually at the expense of your needs/desires. I guess it frustrates me even more because he doesn't know how lucky he is to have a wife who wants him, but I suppose he's not in a place mentally to appreciate it. Perhaps have him read some of the stories of men on this site struggling with wives with LD might help?
My wife has a low drive, but the last thing I would ever do is do anything that hints at an affair. No spouse ever should imo. Any female friend I have my wife knows about, and I never talk about anything inappropriate with them. I also make a point to either talk to her later about conversations I've had with them, or talk with them in front of her so she knows everything that's going on. I do this because I love her, and I would want her to treat me the same way (golden rule and all that).
You never want to threaten your spouse with divorce or affairs. But you would also be dishonest if you didn't tell them that you were thinking about it if that was happening due to something not going right in your relationship. There is a way to be open and honest without threats. It's going to hurt worse if you said nothing and it happened. Shying away from that reality leaves fertile ground for affairs to blossom. It may not happen today, but eventually things may go there for even the most "loyal" spouse if a balance is not found for a sex drive mismatch. It's a relationship killer primed to blow up the relationship like an old tire rolling down the highway on a hot summer day.