Originally Posted by kittykat09
In all fairness, having experienced both a porn addiction and cheating from the same guy... the porn issue *did* hurt a lot, especially as it is an issue that a lot of people dismiss because they like their porn. If you are a SO of a porn addict you bear the brunt of a lot of stigma (if you have a problem with porn you obviously have a stick up your bum, you're sexually repressed, you're crazy, etc) as well as self-esteem issues.
The cheating hurt a lot more, for sure... but people are also more supportive of someone who was cheated on physically than of someone whose SO "just" replaced them with pornography.
To summarize: Both situations suck and hurt. Getting cheated on hurts way more and in a different way, but I would hope that BSs would have some empathy for the type of situation scarlett went through.
Unless she wanted to/was tempted to cheat though, I don't understand how she could be on the WSs side of the argument though. o.O Maybe it is because of the sexual nature of the OP?
I am not on the woman's side. I am just saying it all hurts. All of it. My pain, your pain, his pain, her pain. In life, we go through some serious pain.
My issue is that he is complaining mainly about the fact that she is not giving him sex like he'd like it. I just found the whole thing incomprehensible. 1) I don't know why he'd want to have sex with her if he didn't want to show her or think/feel she deserved love. 2) She is working hard on their relationship. When the BM says that, can't you take it to heart that it is true? At least, should we doubt it? 3) She gave him clear (and simple and sweet) guidelines to Just be more loving to her. What can it hurt? But instead of talking about whether or not he feels he can be loving to her right now (which would be understandable), he talks to us about the way she has sex with him. I think it's shallow and hints of selfishness on his part. (Please note: I am not saying she wasn't selfish). 4) Three years is a long time for an affair, and I know this isn't fair, and perhaps I just don't understand, but how could he not have noticed? Was he being distracted with something else? Not trying to blame the victim, but a victim becomes a survivor when s/he owns up to their end of the deal. The woman walking half-naked down a street at night in an unsafe neighborhood does not deserve to be raped. However, when she acknowledges her part (which was stupidity/ignorance only), she learns and can move on. Whereas, if she didn't learn, she would remain stuck there indefinitely. My dad abused me as a child and adult. When I acknoledged as an adult that I don't have to have a relationship with him, I became a survivor. 5) I know it is difficult to understand, because our societal standards, but I don't think cheating is any more reprehensible than any of the other awful things we do to one another. Here is an example: My husband hits me and I cheat on him. Who is the wrong doer? Who is more guilty? If you say the man, what if the roles were reversed? What then?