Hello all, just wanted to tell you all thanks for the words of support. It really helped a lot. I can't really talk to family or friends about this situation and we are seeing a therapist but in the meantime I really need a place to just vent.
My husband saw the therapist and I have to admit I was kinda skeptical that he'd go at all. I can't believe I actually thought he would pretend to go and then not actually go. I dunno if that makes sense. But he did go...and he said it helped. Apparently we need a couple of individual sessions before we have a session together.
I don't know what that means...hope it's not a bad thing but I really feel we are going to recover from this.
Although I am hopeful, I don't want to put my hopes up too high.
I gotta give my husband credit though. He's been more open and willing to talk about our feelings. He sees when I am feeling bad and I know exactly when he is not feeling good also. Today is my birthday and he gave me a funny birthday card with a picture of a smiling monkey (how romantic, huh?) but he wrote the most touching things inside. It made me feel good and of course tear up.
Anyway, the trust issue is still a big one...he understands though. I am really thankful to God that he has been understanding so far. Anyway, one day at a time, right? Thank you all for listening.