| | I'm starting to break
I am 34 and have been married almost 4 years, my wife is 30. I would consider our marriage to be normal, not sure if that is a bad word on here...this is my first post. I simply mean that I felt content and happy. The following information may seem scattered, please bear with me. Last summer my wife was offered a head coaching position at one of the nicer high schools around the area. My feelings were mixed on this. I was happy for her to be given the oppotunity yet bummed as I know the time commitment it takes, even at the high school level. I ended being the number fan of this team...never missed a game and supported her fully. My wife is very competitive...a good thing I think. She runs marathons and triathalons and played collegiate sports. However, there are a few problems that come from this coaching deal. One, unless you have great talent on the team, you probably won't win every game. Problem one, I get verbally abused when her team doesn't win. There have been times when I can see her holding back tears while she walks though handshakes at the end of games. I once called her after a loss while I was at the store to see if she wanted me to pick her up something to eat. I said 'what would you like?' She said 'I don't care.' I said 'what sounds good to you?' She hung up on me. It makes me question her maturity level. Additionally, though the season is over, my wife comes home from work and spends about 2 hours checking and sending emails about team related stuff. When not doing that she reads a book...anything to be away from me.
I have enrolled myself back in school recently. I should also mention that I have been laid off since Nov 2011. Look, I am no psychiatrist...I know the symptoms of depression...I am sure you could classify me as depressed. Being unemployed is not fun and it weighs heavy on me. I am trying to make a better situation for myself and my wife. Story two...my wife teaches school. There was a snow strom here this year that prevented my wife from going to work for a week. I take online classes and have a schedule I like to keep in the day. It turns out though, when my wife has no school that I am to drop my studies and entertain her. In otherwords, I was an ******* for needing to work on an assignment for class.
A few days before this past x-mas, my wife's mother passed away from a freak accident. I am no good at dealing with these situations, I don't know if anyone is. I was completely supportive of her and did whatever I could for the family. About a week after the services my wife informed me that she had taken out her IUD and that it was time to have a baby. As I mentioned, I am unemployed. I was poor growing up and ate spaghetti and peanut butter sandwiches everyday. I think there would be a more appropriate time to plan to have children like when I am gainfully employed again. My wife is adamant about having atleast 2 children before she is 35. We talked about having children before marriage. I just don't want to have a child to have to struggle like I did. I want to provide a better life and now is not the time. Subsequently, I can count on one hand the amount of times we have made love since she removed her bc. I hope this does not make me sound calice, but my wife and her mother did not have a great relationship. They spoke maybe 4-5 times a year, though when together, they act like best friends. On the otherhand, I speak to my mother a few times a week. Her mother was one of those people who never grew up and abused substances all of her life, mainly alcohol. Now that she has passed things seem different around here. Quickly, my wife and I went to the store to get things for dinner a while back. She wanted to make me jambalaya. Coincidently, I had already had jambalaya a few days earlier and it didn't sound good to me. Apparently it was her moms recipe and I was an ******* for not wanting that and lead to her having a breakdown in the store. I was also informed on the ride home that 'this marriage f--king sucks.' That was in January, this was the first time she had ever said something like that and I felt gut shot. Those words hurt me.
Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate a fantastic employment opportunity I may have. I only have an interview but made the top 5 out of 267 applicants. I have been working a little with my neighbor at practicing interviewing who works in the HR field. My wife knows information but last night at dinner I was accused of having an affair. Completely insane. Again reminded how unhappy she was in the marriage. Honestly, I can't think of one time where we didn't have an argument while out for dinner. I understand why she has a guilty conscience. She cheated on me before we married and we worked though it. But that is twice recently I have been told that she is unhappy and it hurts. I am pretty convinced that she not only doesn't love me, but doesn't even like me.
Hopefully I don't come across as petty. There are obviously more than these instances. I can't envision myself having a child with her at the moment. We live in a city I don't like and don't want to live here long term. It just seems we are heading in different directions.
This is kind of all over the place...sorry. I welcome all thoughts and comments