swedish

It sounds to me like you simply have very different personalities. I am more like you and am often uncomfortable around people that are very assertive, 'the center of attention types'. I'm guessing there's something you find attractive about that, but walking on eggshells all the time is a horrible way to be in a relationship. I saw a common pattern in my own relationships and did go to counseling for a while. One thing I learned is that I need to be more assertive and although for me it's forced because it's not comfortable at all, it does give me more confidence and control over situations when I'm able to say what I want & not worry so much about upsetting others. I also learned through experience that by not saying anything/avoiding confrontation, that people receive that as me not caring which couldn't be further from the truth. Try not to let the memories drag you down, but rather use them to help you grow...what you won't put up with in future relationships, what you might do differently, etc. Counseling may or may not help you sort out your thoughts, it may be just that you have too much time to think about it (if you are alone in another country) but if you surround yourself with family/friends and eventually date again the memories will fade.