Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

bluedano · 04-04-2008, 01:16 PM

I suppose I meant that rhetorically, since no one out there is going to really know how long marriage counseling might take to help our situation... if indeed it will at all. But I sure want to give it a try.

A few of you might remember offering me some advice when I asked about 'the little things you do' to tell your spouse you love and care for them. I was in a state. My wife had told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me. It was due to my prolonged lack of passion, physical, sexual, emotional overtures to her.

Of course I was mad and hurt and thought that was a fine 'thank you very much' for all I'd helped her through for the last decade. But after a couple long bike rides without the ipod I had to agree with a lot of what she was saying. So I sent an e-mail mia culpa, which she received warmly and enthusiastically. She assured me she loved me and I definitely had time to work on our relationship.

For a week there was more cuddling, kissing and sex. Things were going great. Both of us, it turns out, wondered if we even really needed to pursue counseling. To be honest, I knew we did, but I couldn't help but be optimistic. Then the Time Bandits crept back into our lives - Work, The Gym, Commitments - and I literally didn't have the time to keep up my constant hugs, kisses, squeezes in the ten or fifteen minutes we have in the morning and evening. Three days go by where I'm not playing grab ass like a love sick teenager and we're back to square one.

This morning we had an argument. I might have raised my voice and swore at her once before, but I can't remember when. I've been imploring with her not to make this effort a one way street... that if I am going to work on fundamentally changing/improving/fixing my behavior it would do me great to have her continue to do likewise. But she claims she's had it, and it's up to me. I'll have to initiate everything... yada yada yada.

With all the fault and blame I'm willing to accept, I don't think this is right. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't feel right. I hope a marriage counselor can make sense of it and offer some ground rules, for lack of a bette phrase, for attempting to arrive at an equal emotional and physical give and take.

My baby said she wouldn't leave before our daughter is off to college - about a year and a half away. But that is hardly reassuring the way we both feel right now.

DanO

PS; Just had to rant I suppose.

04-04-2008, 01:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
bluedano Registered User Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 13	How long before it gets better? I suppose I meant that rhetorically, since no one out there is going to really know how long marriage counseling might take to help our situation... if indeed it will at all. But I sure want to give it a try. A few of you might remember offering me some advice when I asked about 'the little things you do' to tell your spouse you love and care for them. I was in a state. My wife had told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me. It was due to my prolonged lack of passion, physical, sexual, emotional overtures to her. Of course I was mad and hurt and thought that was a fine 'thank you very much' for all I'd helped her through for the last decade. But after a couple long bike rides without the ipod I had to agree with a lot of what she was saying. So I sent an e-mail mia culpa, which she received warmly and enthusiastically. She assured me she loved me and I definitely had time to work on our relationship. For a week there was more cuddling, kissing and sex. Things were going great. Both of us, it turns out, wondered if we even really needed to pursue counseling. To be honest, I knew we did, but I couldn't help but be optimistic. Then the Time Bandits crept back into our lives - Work, The Gym, Commitments - and I literally didn't have the time to keep up my constant hugs, kisses, squeezes in the ten or fifteen minutes we have in the morning and evening. Three days go by where I'm not playing grab ass like a love sick teenager and we're back to square one. This morning we had an argument. I might have raised my voice and swore at her once before, but I can't remember when. I've been imploring with her not to make this effort a one way street... that if I am going to work on fundamentally changing/improving/fixing my behavior it would do me great to have her continue to do likewise. But she claims she's had it, and it's up to me. I'll have to initiate everything... yada yada yada. With all the fault and blame I'm willing to accept, I don't think this is right. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't feel right. I hope a marriage counselor can make sense of it and offer some ground rules, for lack of a bette phrase, for attempting to arrive at an equal emotional and physical give and take. My baby said she wouldn't leave before our daughter is off to college - about a year and a half away. But that is hardly reassuring the way we both feel right now. DanO PS; Just had to rant I suppose.