Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

dogma_ma · 04-04-2008, 01:33 PM

About a year ago my husband and I went to a marriage counselor...We only went 3 times. The first 2 sessions were basically "getting to know you sessions" and the third was when we actually started delving into our problems. (We stopped going because my husband felt he was being attacked by the counselor, basically the counselor was agreeing more with my point of veiw than with his) But I can imagine it would be a lengthy process as it is only 2 hours a week to convey your entire relationship (both sides) to someone. Although he did give us "tools" and things to try in the meantime with each other, such as keeping written journals of our feelings...and such. I think the counseling would have helped us tremendously.
I may be out of line by saying this, as I don't know your full story, but from your post your wife sounds alot like my husband. As far as they need to be SHOWN how much you love them. I agree it can get tiring and honestly, downright annoying at times. There have been times where my husband has actually counted how many times I kissed him in a day...and then gotten angry over the amount. It's truly not that I don't love him, because I do...but like you said the time bandits creep in, and although our children are younger than yours, on alot of days it just seems there isnt enough time...between baths, and schoolwork, and bottles, and diapers, and groceries and dinner...you get the point. Alot of times, too, it seems that the little things that I do for my husband get overlooked. If I'm not directly praising, hanging on, kissing, ogling him etc. He doesn't notice the things that I do to show him that "yes, even though it's been a hectic day, I do love you."
I know with my husband it's that he is a VERY insecure person. He needs me to validate him, and make it glaringly OBVIOUS that I love him. I'm not sure I've offered much advice here, but I do think that a marriage counselor would do some good, I also think if your wife is up for it maybe individual counseling to address her insecurities and issues with herself that force her to have the need to be SHOWN all of this, instead of just being able to know that you love her and always will regardless of how many times you kissed her that day...y'know?

04-04-2008, 01:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
dogma_ma Registered User Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 7	Re: How long before it gets better? About a year ago my husband and I went to a marriage counselor...We only went 3 times. The first 2 sessions were basically "getting to know you sessions" and the third was when we actually started delving into our problems. (We stopped going because my husband felt he was being attacked by the counselor, basically the counselor was agreeing more with my point of veiw than with his) But I can imagine it would be a lengthy process as it is only 2 hours a week to convey your entire relationship (both sides) to someone. Although he did give us "tools" and things to try in the meantime with each other, such as keeping written journals of our feelings...and such. I think the counseling would have helped us tremendously. I may be out of line by saying this, as I don't know your full story, but from your post your wife sounds alot like my husband. As far as they need to be SHOWN how much you love them. I agree it can get tiring and honestly, downright annoying at times. There have been times where my husband has actually counted how many times I kissed him in a day...and then gotten angry over the amount. It's truly not that I don't love him, because I do...but like you said the time bandits creep in, and although our children are younger than yours, on alot of days it just seems there isnt enough time...between baths, and schoolwork, and bottles, and diapers, and groceries and dinner...you get the point. Alot of times, too, it seems that the little things that I do for my husband get overlooked. If I'm not directly praising, hanging on, kissing, ogling him etc. He doesn't notice the things that I do to show him that "yes, even though it's been a hectic day, I do love you." I know with my husband it's that he is a VERY insecure person. He needs me to validate him, and make it glaringly OBVIOUS that I love him. I'm not sure I've offered much advice here, but I do think that a marriage counselor would do some good, I also think if your wife is up for it maybe individual counseling to address her insecurities and issues with herself that force her to have the need to be SHOWN all of this, instead of just being able to know that you love her and always will regardless of how many times you kissed her that day...y'know?