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Amplexor · 04-04-2008, 02:22 PM

Bluedano

I think you need to strap in for a long haul. My story is out here in bits and pieces but in effect, my wife gave me the, I love you but am not in-love with you notice last May. We attended counseling over the summer. Five or six sessions at most before we figured out we had a good idea of what needed to be done. Our marriage on a whole is stronger than it has been for some time now but her feelings of being in love have not returned. We get along great. How many couples, even in the best of marriages, can claim only one argument in 10 months? We can!! And this includes the everyday stresses in a marriage. Money, kids, jobs, in-laws….. Counseling can help and I hope you both work at the marriage. I agree with you it has to be a two way street and she can’t just sit back and wait. That tells me she has disconnected to some extent. You on the other hand need to take your “changes” to heart and accept them as life long commitments. For you to grow as a couple you must find and dedicate time to each other. You must provide her with the affections, support and attention she needs. Can’t find time in the day for a few more hugs and kisses? Come on, get off the clock and into your wife’s needs. Show her you can consistently be the husband she needs and she’ll start to open up and put forward effort also. Don’t be in a hurry to fix this. A sustained and honest effort from you will go a lot further than a flourish of flowers, cards and candy. As you move forward things will become easier for you both. That may be a couple of weeks or a few months. Since she has basically committed for a year and a half, take that time to fix the foundation of the marriage. You’ll have a lot better chance of success. To answer your question in the subject, you can’t put a time frame on this. I’ve always felt it will take as long as it takes. Divorce in my mind is not an option. Read my mantra below and good luck.

04-04-2008, 02:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
Amplexor Moderator Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Midwest Posts: 717	Re: How long before it gets better? Bluedano I think you need to strap in for a long haul. My story is out here in bits and pieces but in effect, my wife gave me the, I love you but am not in-love with you notice last May. We attended counseling over the summer. Five or six sessions at most before we figured out we had a good idea of what needed to be done. Our marriage on a whole is stronger than it has been for some time now but her feelings of being in love have not returned. We get along great. How many couples, even in the best of marriages, can claim only one argument in 10 months? We can!! And this includes the everyday stresses in a marriage. Money, kids, jobs, in-laws….. Counseling can help and I hope you both work at the marriage. I agree with you it has to be a two way street and she can’t just sit back and wait. That tells me she has disconnected to some extent. You on the other hand need to take your “changes” to heart and accept them as life long commitments. For you to grow as a couple you must find and dedicate time to each other. You must provide her with the affections, support and attention she needs. Can’t find time in the day for a few more hugs and kisses? Come on, get off the clock and into your wife’s needs. Show her you can consistently be the husband she needs and she’ll start to open up and put forward effort also. Don’t be in a hurry to fix this. A sustained and honest effort from you will go a lot further than a flourish of flowers, cards and candy. As you move forward things will become easier for you both. That may be a couple of weeks or a few months. Since she has basically committed for a year and a half, take that time to fix the foundation of the marriage. You’ll have a lot better chance of success. To answer your question in the subject, you can’t put a time frame on this. I’ve always felt it will take as long as it takes. Divorce in my mind is not an option. Read my mantra below and good luck. __________________ Amp Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.