06-25-2009, 03:33 PM
Join Date: Apr 2009
| | Re: need good advice
Originally Posted by Sufficiently Breathless
Hey Denise, So sorry you are going through this.
I too have had issues with my H and online gaming, as well as a sex addiction. I gave him ultimatiums, told him he had to change or i would take the kids and leave. In my experience ultimatiums do not work. They make the other person feel defensive, and sometimes they seperate themselves further from their SO.
I started therapy with my H, but after a few sessions he stopped going. I continue to see my therapist. And things are going well for me. My therapist gives me great insight into myself.
At this point in time my H and I are living seperated in our home. I am finding myself, by continuing therapy and getting out of the house with my kids frequently. I can no longer babysit my H and his addictions. So if he wants to change its up to him, but he will now do it without my support. The children and I are moving out on August 1st. He knows, and doesn't appear bothered by it, as he is still ignoring us completely and playing his xbox for six hours a night after he comes home from work.
It is a tough spot to find yourself in. My advice to you is to seek counseling, on your own. Find ways to better yourself and your situation. Maybe if he sees an improvement in you, he may decide he wants to join in. If not, be prepared to have to take a leap of faith and stand on your own two feet. When people suffer from addictions, they have a hard time seeing what they are doing to their loved ones. Usually the only way they wake up is when they truely hit rock bottom and have lost everything.
I hope everything works out for you.
It's amazing how those around an addict benefit from counseling. I have been in individual counseling for a year now learning how to cope with this and MUCH more. It's a good place for you to start as well. Also, see if you can find a support group.