Originally Posted by SkyIsBlue
That's the big dilemma, isn't it. You put your foot down to create a boundary, and she feels trapped. She told me she just wasn't used to me setting boundaries and making ultimatums like that. So let's see how she handles it.
No. Wrong. Errrrrgh!
That's not a dilemma. Her feeling trapped isn't a consequence of you setting boundaries. This is normal relationship stuff that every couple does to keep a healthy relationship.
It only feels like control, or being trapped, when she wants to go outside of the marriage to meet her needs. To put it another way, if she told you she wasn't comfortable with you going out alone with another woman whose company you enjoyed, would you turn around and call her controlling?
You're not being controlling, you're expressing your discomfort with her emotional bonding with another dude, and not tolerating it. You're sticking up for your marriage and trying to protect it. If that makes you controlling, then own it 100%.
Controlling is when you feel the need to micromanage her entire life. As a "nice guy", you can be the biggest douche on the planet and you'll end up somewhere in a healthy middle ground between total doormat and controlling jerkoff.
Don't accept your wife's protests that you're being a jerk. Reattach your sack and let her know that you aren't gonna be played like that.
As I'm fond of saying, WWBD, What Would Brad Pitt Do? Brad's a guy with self-respect. If Brad is married to your wife, is he going to let her text and FB message some weird guy so she can console him in his relationship depression? And then go meet up somewhere for drinks? Screw that! Brad would say something like, "I'm Brad effing Pitt, you can either have this package, or if that isn't enough, you can go get with loser boy. If this isn't good enough, let me know so I can split and start getting with hotter and better women." And then walk away completely unphased. Because Brad knows that if something happens in his relationship, he's still gonna go on to have a damn good life.
It's your wife's decision whether or not she wants to stay pot committed. You're not controlling anything, you're letting her know where you stand. If she makes the decision to disrespect, that's her problem not yours. If you put out a sign and say, "Don't touch the cookie or you'll get slapped." And someone touches the cookie and gets slapped, do you blame yourself for putting up the sign?