moxy

Any guy she is talking to almost as much as her hubby is a threat. It's not that he's a walking penis, but that he's a fixture in her life that is almost as constant as you, meaning...he's the competition.

So, be firm about this. You're tip-toeing around the issue and telling her it's not a problem for you. She's going to take that to mean that since her H doesn't care all that much to give her attention, it's okay to get attention from the other source of male attention (potential OM). She's testing the waters. This is how affairs begin. You have the chance to stop it now or watch yourself get sucked into the whirlpool of disaster that lives on the CWI boards because many there didn't notice that the waters were being tested...

Just tell her firmly and confidently that you think she spends too much time with this guy and it bugs you. You're not telling her she can't have guy friends, just telling her that this guy is de-stabilizing the sanctity of your marriage and she is encouraging it and that's not okay with you.

Tell her that she is being shady and that if she cares about you and your marriage she will not hook up with some dude, even "just as friends" because her attention to this dude is a problem for you. If she goes anyway, give her the cold shoulder and let her know that you are NOT okay with it...and then monitor what she does to make sure it doesn't happen again or become an affair. If she concedes to your request and chooses the marriage over the moron on the sidelines, then you up your ante at home by being more romantic and giving her the attention that she is clearly craving; that will show her that you do care and that she can get her needs met at home by asking.

You might risk upsetting her and pushing her away, but, if she cares less about her husband than she does about Joe Schmoe, then she's not worth holding on to. Don't let this crumble because you're afraid of pushing her away (Mr Nice Guy); show her that you value the marriage and are protecting it for the both of you.