Originally Posted by Thorburn
Can't unless I get a court order and I can't get a court order for this.
She just hung up on me all upset. She said this is the only friend she has. It is bullsh**. She named a bunch of friends at the beginning of her conversation with me and I told her that I would have no problem with any of the ones she named.
She mentioned Carrie. Her childhood friend. A very rich liberal friend who we have met over the years and who got insulted with my wife when abortion was mentioned. She rarely talked to her on FB. Once in the last year about a song her and her husband posted on Youtube. My wife said it was sweet (it was). That was it.
Her college friend Sonia. Sonia has been in contact with me during this not my wife. My wife had her visit last year and my wife could not wait for her to leave because of her hyper Christianity. Sonia is a sweet Puerto Rican girl. My wife smokes and will not smoke around Sonia. My wife says she has to be fake around her. In the Christian world my wife is convicted around her "Christian" friends and does not want to be too close to them. My wife calls them judgemental. Believe me, they are not. They have always been understanding of my wife.
Her GF's from when she worked FT in the antique business. There are at least 1/2 dozen or more from all stripes of life who would love to be around my wife. My wife can be fun to be around. But she has avoided each and everyone of them. We went out for dinner a few months ago with one and you can see that they connect and have fun together. Lydia is fun to be with. She is a Christian and had an abortion early in life and has no judgemental spirit in her. She gets it. Yet my wife will not open up to her for whatever reason. Lydia and her husband Bob are very wealthy but they are down to earth folk. They understand people. When we had the Amish killed in the Nickle Mine school, Bob and Lydia reached out to the killer's wife and kids and hid them for months at their expense, on one of their farms.
i could go on and on. My wife isolated herself because she did not want her secret to be out there. She knew that these people would be suspicious of her behavior.
We have non-Christian friends. I could go through this list and yet my wife has not reached out to them at all.
So my wife is now in tears, hung up on me over a GF from 30 years ago. Saying this is the only friend she has and I am controlling her and says I have to stop this.
She says I have lied to her about painting the shed, or going to the gym. Ok, I have not painted the shed or have gone to the gym. I am the world's biggest liar.
Yet, she goes on anti-depressives in early Dec. It takes away her sex drive. She says she does not like it and will see her doctor about it. She keeps telling me in Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar that she will see her doctor about it and has not. She says she will go in for counseling for as long as it takes and she stops going for a month. I get mad. She goes and the counselor announces that she does not need to be seen anymore because her depression in under control. Depression. My wife said she was going for counseling to figure out why she did what she did, to prevent it from happening again, why she is so attractive to men in public, and why she falls in love with strangers in a few days. She has not addressed any of this.
She tells me now that she is going next week to see why I have looked at porn. Porn. She says that I have looked at porn and this bothers her. I have looked. When I came home from Iraq I looked at porn maybe a few times, I did not hide it from her. While in Iraq I looked at porn a few times. When ever she asked I told her. She is now saying that is why she cheated on me.
I have not hid this from anyone. Her oldest brother told me again today that it does not make sense. A lot of guys look at it and it is not the same as what she has done.
My wife told me on the phone that she was going to give me an ultimatum years ago that I need to retire from the Army because she suspected that i looked at porn when I was away. But she never did.
Everytime we went in for MC porn was brought up (3 times since 1995). Everytime the MC ended the session after a few visits. Each and every one of them said, I am not addicted, but said that a lot of guys look at it and if I am not denying my wife of sex, and if it did not replace her (I can say it never, ever did) then she needs to stop coersing me about it. I was open about it in MC. I never hid it. From the time I got back from Iraq till her A I looked at porn a few times and never once got off on my own, with the exception when she was in the hospital for a week with seven broken ribs. I was accused by her doctor of doing it (he said I just got back from Iraq and went off on her). The fact is she has brittle bones from her chemo for treating her arthritis and she coughed so severly that her bones broke. Social workers came every day to get it out of her that I beat her. My wife could not believe it and told them that I never lifted a finger against her. She told them to call her doctors and they will tell them that she has brittle bones. Last month our dog sat on her when they were playing and broke a rib.
In 2000 she looked at porn thousands of times. I know, I had a keylogger on our computer and she was in the midst of sexual online affairs with 4 guys. I did not care about the porn. I cared about the sexual affairs and that is what I gave to her family, all the sexual text.
Last month she said she cheated because her mother died and I was not there for her. Yet, my former boss would give me all the time off I needed. My wife said, she does not need me to come home that talking to her on the phone was enough.
She told me she cheated because when I came back from Iraq I had E.D. Hel* i just got back from combat. On the first night in the hotel I had E.D. I got severe pain went to the E.R. got viagra and she had to tell me to stop, all within hours of my problem.
She told me she cheated because her sister told everyone last March that she had internet sex in 2010.
She told me she cheated because she wanted fun and excitement in her life.
I could go on since D-day on why she said she cheated. It has changed so many times.
In counseling if a guy brings up porn I do a quick assessment. Did you ever deny your wife sex because of porn? Does porn control you? Has it affected your sleep where you stay up late and can't walk away from it? Has it affected your work? Is it excessive and controlling your life? If the general answer is no, I move on to other things.
My wife is now blameshifting, IMO. And it does us no good. I said I will talk about porn but I will not let her blame me for her behavior.