| | Re: Am I wrong to say no to WS hooking up with old GF
She says I am twisting things and embellishing the truth. She says everyone she has talked to has told her I am wrong. She has only talked to her youngest brother and sister in law. And they are telling her that I am wrong. She says she is telling them the truth. And that she is going in for counseling because I looked at porn and that will get to the bottom of why she cheated on me.
I told her that she had un protected sex with a stranger the first time she met him and she drove him to a motel. She said I have said this five times today. She says I am not showing her love that I am putting her down.
She said she is not going to contact her friend but she does not like it. I told her what Beowulf said and she said, let me talk to him and I will tell him the truth. I refused. This is one of my safe spots. I told her what I wrote and she said, I am embellishing.
I asked her again why she is so upset over a GF from 30 years ago. She said it is normal for people to reconnect. She said I did. And she mentioned two guys and the only two guys that I reconnected with over the years. OK, Brad was my best man in my wedding and we lost contact. Around 1995 I met with Brad at a Burger King for about an hour and then I went to his house around 2001 when I was stationed in the Army in the town he lived in and he lived about 1 mile from my duty station. I met with his wife and kids for about an hour. Brad and his wife Judy had no interest in me and that was apparent and when I left I never had contact with him again. Brad and Judy are church going folks. Around 1995 my wife had no interest in meeting with Brad. The Burger King is a mile from our home and my wife said she did not want to go meet him. That was fine with me. Then there was Bob, my college roommate. He and I had a falling out over his sister in law and brother in law. It was a messy church thing where I relieved her of her church duties for almost having an affair and it became gossip. This woman told my roommate that I was evil and she did not want Bob to have anything to do with me. To keep peace in the family Bob stopped contacting me. That was around 1992. Bob called me December of 2008 to patch things up. We stayed in contact during my time in Iraq. Bob was a Messianic Jewish pastor and now is a banker. A good guy. After 2009 there has been no further contact, we drifted apart. My wife brought this up tonight and I told her if you had a problem with Brad or Bob I would have dropped them in a minute, but the reality is they did not represent things from the past that were bad. Brad or Bob do not drink. In college we were straight laced guys and did not drink. Neither Bob nor I were the partying type and we did everything together until I met my wife. Bob got mad and told my future wife that she ruined our friendship. I told Bob, laughingly, that I could never marry him and he got it. My wife and I did not party. In fact I rarely drank alcohol throughout our marriage from 1987 until 2000. That is when my wife was doing the internet sex thing and was going out with a guy drinking beer in his pick up truck (yea, she still says there was no sex). She went out with this guy several times and my boys would tell me that mom smelled liked cigarettes and alcohol (they were around 11 and 12 at the time). After her dad got involved and straighted her out we started to drink more and that in 2001 I started smoking because my wife did. Up until this time my wife would not drink.
We talked again about 40 minutes ago and she said that I am bringing stuff up on a day that she has worked hard and been on her feet. That this is not right.
She said I am looking for perfection (this has been a common theme), in her and that nothing will be right in my eyes. That I have her under a microscope. That I am nitpicking everything. I said, maybe I am but you have caused this. She says I keep bringing this stuff up everyday. I don't. There have been days where I don't bring it up (once for four days). ANd there have been times where 3 or 4 days have gone by and we talked about the A for an hour and that is it.
This last issue about her GF has bugged me and yes we argued about it Friday and today. I did not discuss the affair yesterday, if my thinking is correct, nor Saturday, nor Sunday (I think).
So no I am not a saint. But the ultimatum stands. No contact with this former GF.
She says i have friends that I can talk to and I do. She says she does not. When I brought up her friends she gave me every excuse in the book why she can't or how wrong I am about these girls. I wish I could record our conversations. She tells me about her friends at the beginning of the conversation then she tells me she never said that and that she has no friends or the friends that I bring up are not her friends.
She is now crying,, telling me that this makes me offensive to her, and that she is taking a bath and going to bed.
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”