Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

demora · 04-08-2008, 06:16 AM

My husband and I finally sat down last night and had the talk I have been trying to figure out how to start.

Among many things discussed, my husband appears to be jealous of me....of my knowledge when it comes to computers, of the interests that I have and things I'm good at....even of the fact that last year I rode my motorcycle to work and he couldn't because he was hurt. After he threw a fit put his computer in the closet, he got on mine to check his email and was jealous/mad because of all the stuff I have my computer and that he couldn't find anything.

I'm a computer programmer. It's what I do. I have built my own computers in the past from an empty case up, and have had to reformat and rebuild the OS several times on my old computers.

He's insecure about the fact that my favorites in my browser is a long list and organized into different places and I go to them often. I don't get it....this is who I am and it's what I do...and I don't spend much time on my computer at home even though I would like to spend more time then I do on it.

He wants to know how to use all the stuff I have on my comptuer, but a lot of it is for my photography, there's web design and programming stuff on it, taxes, etc. I guess I'm just baffled. He knew all of this about me when we were first dating and he's got a problem with it now (or still)???

He's also got it in his mind that the time I spend with my mom, I'm not really spending with my mom...that I'm having sex with someone else. I don't want to have it with him, therefore I'm getting it from some place else....GOOD LORD!!! The thought has NEVER even crossed my mind!

He is very resentful of the time I spend with my mom and any time spent doing anything other then being glued to him - which is why I quit my photogrpahy club. He's under the misunderstanding that on the days I go to see my mom, I'm out of the office by 5:00 on the dot or before, and the days I come home, I work late. There are days that I don't get over to my mom's until 7:00 and try to leave as close to 8 as I can so he and I can have some time together on those days...but I also make sure mom and I have dinner, her hands get washed and her teeth get brushed....so there are times when I do leave later then 8.

This weekend he spent the whole weekend pissed off at me because I rented a van to take mom out. The last time she was out was over 4 months ago. I feel like I'm doing the best I can to be fair to everyone (except me, I always put me last) and it still isn't good enough.....and he thinks that I'm interested in "whatever the latest fad is" when it comes to my interests online. "First it was photography, now it's the motorcycle thing"....okay I was into photography years before he and I met. I have been published and had my work featured in an art Gallery in Colorado....but yes, I did quit the photography club because it was causing problems. And the motorcycle thing....I thought it was something we were both interested in, seeing as how we both have bikes now and are interested in participating in some rides.....so yeah, I guess I switched...but it was still wrong.

04-08-2008, 06:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
demora Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 69	Jealousy My husband and I finally sat down last night and had the talk I have been trying to figure out how to start. Among many things discussed, my husband appears to be jealous of me....of my knowledge when it comes to computers, of the interests that I have and things I'm good at....even of the fact that last year I rode my motorcycle to work and he couldn't because he was hurt. After he threw a fit put his computer in the closet, he got on mine to check his email and was jealous/mad because of all the stuff I have my computer and that he couldn't find anything. I'm a computer programmer. It's what I do. I have built my own computers in the past from an empty case up, and have had to reformat and rebuild the OS several times on my old computers. He's insecure about the fact that my favorites in my browser is a long list and organized into different places and I go to them often. I don't get it....this is who I am and it's what I do...and I don't spend much time on my computer at home even though I would like to spend more time then I do on it. He wants to know how to use all the stuff I have on my comptuer, but a lot of it is for my photography, there's web design and programming stuff on it, taxes, etc. I guess I'm just baffled. He knew all of this about me when we were first dating and he's got a problem with it now (or still)??? He's also got it in his mind that the time I spend with my mom, I'm not really spending with my mom...that I'm having sex with someone else. I don't want to have it with him, therefore I'm getting it from some place else....GOOD LORD!!! The thought has NEVER even crossed my mind! He is very resentful of the time I spend with my mom and any time spent doing anything other then being glued to him - which is why I quit my photogrpahy club. He's under the misunderstanding that on the days I go to see my mom, I'm out of the office by 5:00 on the dot or before, and the days I come home, I work late. There are days that I don't get over to my mom's until 7:00 and try to leave as close to 8 as I can so he and I can have some time together on those days...but I also make sure mom and I have dinner, her hands get washed and her teeth get brushed....so there are times when I do leave later then 8. This weekend he spent the whole weekend pissed off at me because I rented a van to take mom out. The last time she was out was over 4 months ago. I feel like I'm doing the best I can to be fair to everyone (except me, I always put me last) and it still isn't good enough.....and he thinks that I'm interested in "whatever the latest fad is" when it comes to my interests online. "First it was photography, now it's the motorcycle thing"....okay I was into photography years before he and I met. I have been published and had my work featured in an art Gallery in Colorado....but yes, I did quit the photography club because it was causing problems. And the motorcycle thing....I thought it was something we were both interested in, seeing as how we both have bikes now and are interested in participating in some rides.....so yeah, I guess I switched...but it was still wrong.