Re: How can she compartmentalize?
Same feeling exactly. I often find myself wondering where she went. We used to be so in love, talked about everything. Now... poof. The last several times I talked to her she acted like I was a stranger almost, not someone whom had so intimately shared the last eight years with her. It was devastating. If they could find a way to weaponize the emotional trauma that one goes through with this, it would be better than any WMD on the planet.
I also wonder if I should have filed the papers. I still have my doubts as to whether she had an affair, but she signed them, so I guess thats admission. But I just think, "What if I'd given it a little more time. Made her miss me more..." But its mute. Its over now and as much as I want to march into her office and declare my love or some other romantic movie scene, whats the point? It's never going to get the reaction I want. And if she ever had those feelings again, it would be up to her to reach out to me. I did all I could before it ended.
I still love her, too. And I always will, but its the memory that I love. Not the woman that she's become.
I get this feeling sometimes when I laugh and touch my wife. Like, what has happened to us?
I readily admit my failings in our marriage. What is hard is realizing those failings, asking for forgiveness, and changing for the better, is not enough for my wife to give us another chance.