Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway
She's going to have to get over that. Her affair gave you the right to ask the same questions a thousand times a day if you want to. It's great that she is opening up, but she has to understand the hurt you are carrying.
A pro counselor might advise differently but as a woman who had an EA years ago I can tell you that you hold the cards (in my opinion) She doesn't have the right to dictate to you how you should react.
I would also question why there is still so much anger and defensiveness on her part. Has she come completely clean?
The defensiveness comes in because as we have processed during counseling she has serious issues with feeling judged by others and having the "perfection complex" that says she has to be perfect. Hard for you and I to comprehend, but she HATES when I bring up anything that she views as being critical of her. Now imagine you are of this ilk and you get caught in an EA (PA?) and finally fess up. She says she wants to be with me, has gone to counseling, quit her job where coworker with EA is at, gave me password to her cellphone account so I can see all calls texts etc. So maybe she didn't tell me everything (how will I ever know- I've asked 1,000 times and she has told me same story), but her behavior is saying she wants to try to make this work. But she HATES when it gets brought up because it is such a black mark on her "perfectionism" that she struggles with so badly. She has also said that she feels I am "jerking her chain" as if I am going to reconcile with her and then abandon her. Any time she perceives criticism it amplifies this belief that I am going to bolt, and she gets VERY ANGRY. Especially when we have huge fights like over the weekend.