Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway
I would also question why there is still so much anger and defensiveness on her part. Has she come completely clean?
Excellent question - my bet is no. Once you've put it all on the table there's little reason to remain defensive.
Bodhitree, unless you're repeatedly berating her or attacking her with her affair she doesn't get to be upset - it's part of the price of cheating. Like LFFA is telling you - it's up to her to do the work to help you and rebuild the marriage. If you need to talk about it, if you want to ask the same question for the 1000th time - she should go along - willingly. Even if she has come completely clean - which personally I doubt - she's still being selfish with her affair. She's putting her feelings and emotions ahead of yours, made even worse by the fact that her actions are the reason you have the feelings and emotions that she is wanting to sweep under the rug.
She made the mess and now she wants you to just pretend it didn't happen? Don't give in - you, she and both of you together must deal with it or it will likely rear it's head again in the future.