Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Day to day baby steps.... Feedback encouraged.

Hunger · 04-10-2012, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantSitStill

Before my EA I resented my husband, got to the point where I was at my wits end..got tired of trying and him wanting me to change and me wanting him to change so I checked out and like you didn't think I could get that passion back and now we have been reconciled for a couple of months and bonding like crazy..I was wrong it is possible, every day my love for him grows deeper and deeper but the thing is we are both working on treating eachother much better now..He needs my positive attention just as much as I need his..We do more things with eachother and for eachother. But let me warn you (if you get your passion for him back) it is a very bumpy ride..I feel sick when I think of the OM yet he is always asking me questions about him, if this happens be patient and answer all of his questions. Reassure him you will never do it again. We have rough days working through all of this and I hate myself for causing all of this..It's so painful for him and for me. Don't give up, I thought about giving up..was ready for divorce and luckily came to my senses.
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From so many of your posts it defintely seems like we were in a very similar situation. I understand the whole wanting to check out thing. I have gone back and forth several times because our home life lately has been so rocky. I will “check out” for a night thinking I need to stay at my Dad’s right down the street and plan on separating for a bit and then go right back home the next day. I don’t really feel bad about it because the times I have done this is because he gets very angry and starts breaking things and it scares me. That is so awesome that you got your passion back for your husband. That helps me to have hope for us! I look at my husband and know that he is a wonderful man and lately I have caught myself staring/studying him while we are together because I don’t understand why I don’t feel attracted to him when he is clearly a very attractive man…. Lol… silly I know but I have found myself doing this. We still hang out constantly and even cuddle very closely on the couch every night but I don’t feel anything. We tried making love about a week ago and I felt nothing and ended up feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for doing it and not feeling anything, but we both wanted to try so bad just to see if it would help. Our sex life was never wonderful so maybe this is something that we can work on moving forward if I do begin to feel passion with time.

I am not going to give up. I keep telling myself that I am still blinded and that I can’t give up on us because I have nothing to lose if I stay for now. .. and of course he wants me to stay no matter how I am feeling.

I never did a no contact letter with the OM or anything because my situation was very different in the sense that I was ALWAYS the initiator and almost every time he would tell me that we should not be talking until I make a decision and that if I ever loved my husband or think I will ever get my feelings back again than I should stay with my husband and not talk to him. I would do so good and not talk to him for days and then I would get the urge and start all over again. It was tough but I know now that it was because I was addicted. I got a high when I talked to him and then I began to feel guilty to the point where I would stop it for a while … and it was a toxic cycle. It is so crazy how that works. I hate myself for not being able to just STOP. I always thought I was stronger than that but I guess not.