| | Re: I don't want to be here.
If your wife spent all those years wishing she was with her ex, then you have always been guy #2 for her. She settled. She does not love you. If she loved you, she would not have cheated on you physically with these people, or emotionally with the ex.
You deserve better. Get out, get help. Even if she wants you back after the separation, it will be because she has decided to stick with someone who enables her to cheat and not because she loves you.
It's sad, but it is the truth.