easysilence

I talked to him last night again about how I think he should leave. He won't leave. That's pretty clear. We talked about things that happened in the past and he found a way to make everything seem really insignificant. Like they didn't matter because it was a long time ago. But doesn't that just show that it's been going on a long time? I mean, he said, "I'd never stop you from doing any of that stuff now, I'm not an a** hole!"

But here's the thing: I don't even TRY to do any of 'that stuff' now, like going out for drinks with friends (I pretty much have no friends any more) or going out to lunch with a group of co-workers if there were any men going, or wearing thong underwear to work, or mentioning AT ALL that I think his behavior might be abusive. It doesn't mean that he's gotten better, it means he's got me trained, right? I don't know. I think what I'm going to do is call my doctor, go there under the premise of getting a chantix prescription, and then once I get in there, asking about this whole 'emotional abuse' thing and whether or not all the effects of it are for real, whether I'm experiencing after-effects of it, and what I can do about it. I can't do this alone and I need someone objective. That's why I'm all over the internet trying to get opinions. I cannot tell you people what it means to me even to have you listen and read this stuff. Maybe my doctor will refer me to a counselor. I've talked to him about me going into counseling before, and he doesn't want me to. But maybe if my doctor says I need it, I don't know. What do you guys think? I worry that the hotline workers aren't objective, and then I KNOW he's not objective. I just feel crazy.