Another excellent post inheartlife. That's exactly the position I adopted. I made sure my wife had enough info that she knew the truth but details I left for her to ask. If she asked I told her the truth, no matter how unpleasant. To really reconcile there can be no lies or half truths. There is nothing wrong with letting your betrayed spouse decide what they want to know, but if they want to know you have to give them the truth.