| | Re: Time to end it?
I am really afraid that I'll see a counselor and there really WILL be something wrong with me. I really FEEL like there's something wrong with me. I have the number to the doctor's office up on my screen in another tab and I'm going to call. I'm nervous because it isn't my regular doctor. We moved to this town about three years ago (about sixty miles from my family..) I'm just a wreck.
D8zed, you can tell me 'not to doubt' that I'm being emotionally abused but as each day goes by that he won't leave.. I don't know. Like last night he acted all CONCERNED because of me, like I DO have mental problems, like I'm clinically depressed and he's so CONCERNED about that. And I don't dare say that I'm depressed as a result of the way he treats me. I can't say that to him. I have to SIT THERE and act to him like I know this is all my fault. And then I start to believe it. I read that whole website 'www.yourenotcrazy.com' and I did the little 'spot the abuse' exercise and I absolutely COULD NOT spot the abuse. Even after they 'revealed' the abuse in the conversation and explained it, I couldn't understand. SO I'm sitting there with him last night while he acts all holier-than-though and like nothing is his fault, ACTIVELY blaming myself for everything because if I try to blame him, it will backfire, be my fault anyway, and become VERY unpleasant very fast. And inside my head, I'm thinking back to the website. I'm trying to pinpoint the denial, minimalising, the countering, the blocking. I mean, I DID read the website. But I couldn't put my finger on anything, and I ended up really feeling like this all might be my fault. I keep thinking that either I'm really not being emotionally abused, or I must be a really bad case. I dunno. I should call the doc now.