Welcome to tam. Props to you for making an effort to find a mutually agreeable solution to your differing drives.
I am married to a wonderful LD partner who has worked hard to find a mutually workable sex life for us.
I will say that what has helped us a lot is:
- she has always grasped how important this is to me
- I have always made an effort to go the extra mile for her outside the bedroom. And I also realize I is a big deal to give yourself to someone when you are not feeling it
What would happen if you said to him - new routine - you want to pleasure me you can give me a massage but that is it for me. When you finish I will please you.
He needs to be willing to work with you on this.
UOTE=marieJa;677403]I am a low libido female, 25 years old. I feel the need for sex once in a month (a week before my period). Otherwise, it never comes to my mind, and I mean NEVER. And I'm happy with that!
My husband is the opposite. It might be one day of a month when he doesn't want sex (sex for him is equal to pleasing me). He is a gentle and generous lover, always putting my pleasure first: he could give me oral for hours, he makes sure I get many orgasms etc. And he enjoys every second of it - he calls it the best way to express his love for me.
But I just don't need that kind of an attention that often! I do need it sometimes, but only sometimes. I would MUCH rather enjoy other kind of pleasure from him, like a back rub, but NO. He wants to give me sex. And when I don't initially want it but I do it for him, the whole act feels like a chore. When I do want it, it is great. But I want it so rarely (well, I don't feel it is too rarely for me, but for him, it is).
I guess our ways of expressing love are very different. I wouldn't mind pleasing him, but to give one's body to someone when you don't want it yourself is not a pleasant feeling at all.
So - what to do? Continue having chore-like sex (so that he gets what he wants), or have it once a month (so that I get what I want)?[/QUOTE]
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