Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - I cheated-- do I tell him?

BrokenFrag · 04-10-2008, 09:23 AM

Well, as most of you have seen in my other posts. My wife had an affair with a coworker fo 2-3 months before I found out. I am glad I found out. It made me understand where my relationship really stood with my wife. It made me understand what type of person I choose to be, and it made me understand the type of person my wife is.

As I see it, it doesn't matter what you are or aren't getting from your relationship. Cheating is breaking your marriage vows in the worst possible way. It doesn't matter if you view yourself as a good person doing a bad thing. You are what you do. If you lie, cheat, and hurt people, particularly the ones you love, then you are a liar, a cheater, and someone who cares more for themselves than anyone else.

If there is something missing, you MUST talk about it. If they won't listen, then separate. Go to marriage counseling. If you must, get a divorce.

Respect your spouse enough to not cheat. Respect yourself enough to not cheat. Think about it this way. The man you think you are in love with has knowingly pursued a married woman. What does that say about his character. Think about what your actions say to this man. You are married, but are willing to ruin it all for a little attention and sex. Do you honestly think that any relationship born under this type of lie and deception will actually work out in the end?

When you got married, you had everything you needed to be happy. You just need to find that within yourself again, and within your marriage. Til death do us part is a serious vow. It wasn't until I get bored, or until I get unhappy, or until a "better" man comes along.

I feel like one of the last people on this planet who believes in honesty, commitment, integrity, and personal responsibility.

No long term marriage can survive the many ups and downs that inevitably come along if the people involved are not strong for themselves and their partners. You and your husband will never be able to have the type of relationship you want until everything is out in the open.

Whatever I did to "force" my wife into cheating, I did unknowingly. If she never told me what was wrong, then she has no right to even imply that I am at fault. Just because she wasn't strong enough to talk to me, not strong enough to resist temptation, and not strong enough to end it when she knew it was wrong and was creating feelings of guilt, doesn't make it my fault and certainly doesn't justify her behavior.

I believe that if you cheat, you must come clean and try to make amends. For if you don't, you will never be able to get rid of the guilt. It will poison your relationships from here on out, and you will never find the happiness and love that you say you were seeking when you cheated.

Sorry, if I was harsh, every person has a different story and a different life, but I HATE it when people do not take responsibility for their own actions. Fate or God present us the opportunities. WE choose what to do with them. I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be, but I know right from wrong. I believe in commitment, love, and integrity. And I would kill myself before I broke the vows that I made 8 years ago to my wife.

I give my love and my forgiveness to my wife because it is a gift to myself. If she still does not want them, then I will find someone who will appreciate and love everything that I am and am not. No one deserves the pain and humiliation that comes with being betrayed.

04-10-2008, 09:23 AM	#12 (permalink)
BrokenFrag Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 81	Re: I cheated-- do I tell him? Well, as most of you have seen in my other posts. My wife had an affair with a coworker fo 2-3 months before I found out. I am glad I found out. It made me understand where my relationship really stood with my wife. It made me understand what type of person I choose to be, and it made me understand the type of person my wife is. As I see it, it doesn't matter what you are or aren't getting from your relationship. Cheating is breaking your marriage vows in the worst possible way. It doesn't matter if you view yourself as a good person doing a bad thing. You are what you do. If you lie, cheat, and hurt people, particularly the ones you love, then you are a liar, a cheater, and someone who cares more for themselves than anyone else. If there is something missing, you MUST talk about it. If they won't listen, then separate. Go to marriage counseling. If you must, get a divorce. Respect your spouse enough to not cheat. Respect yourself enough to not cheat. Think about it this way. The man you think you are in love with has knowingly pursued a married woman. What does that say about his character. Think about what your actions say to this man. You are married, but are willing to ruin it all for a little attention and sex. Do you honestly think that any relationship born under this type of lie and deception will actually work out in the end? When you got married, you had everything you needed to be happy. You just need to find that within yourself again, and within your marriage. Til death do us part is a serious vow. It wasn't until I get bored, or until I get unhappy, or until a "better" man comes along. I feel like one of the last people on this planet who believes in honesty, commitment, integrity, and personal responsibility. No long term marriage can survive the many ups and downs that inevitably come along if the people involved are not strong for themselves and their partners. You and your husband will never be able to have the type of relationship you want until everything is out in the open. Whatever I did to "force" my wife into cheating, I did unknowingly. If she never told me what was wrong, then she has no right to even imply that I am at fault. Just because she wasn't strong enough to talk to me, not strong enough to resist temptation, and not strong enough to end it when she knew it was wrong and was creating feelings of guilt, doesn't make it my fault and certainly doesn't justify her behavior. I believe that if you cheat, you must come clean and try to make amends. For if you don't, you will never be able to get rid of the guilt. It will poison your relationships from here on out, and you will never find the happiness and love that you say you were seeking when you cheated. Sorry, if I was harsh, every person has a different story and a different life, but I HATE it when people do not take responsibility for their own actions. Fate or God present us the opportunities. WE choose what to do with them. I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be, but I know right from wrong. I believe in commitment, love, and integrity. And I would kill myself before I broke the vows that I made 8 years ago to my wife. I give my love and my forgiveness to my wife because it is a gift to myself. If she still does not want them, then I will find someone who will appreciate and love everything that I am and am not. No one deserves the pain and humiliation that comes with being betrayed.