Originally Posted by marieJa
Posted via Mobile DeviceI think that more communication & working towards a decent compromise will work. I guess I'm a bit afraid of his reaction, as I don't want to hurt him...
Your lack of desire is symptomatic of deeper issues in your marriage. I would guess you both have work to do.
If you continue to try to please, this problem will fester and get worse as you build more and more resentments. You or he will eventually cheat or act out in some other way and your marriage will implode.
This is a wake up call to do a "self-improvement" project on your marriage or go get professional help.
Are you and your husband capable of playing thoughtfully and fairly with this loaded of a topic?
M. Scott Peck explains a concept called "bracketing" in "The Road Less Traveled" that has helped my marriage immensely (I recommend the book). Basically, one person puts their emotions/feelings in a "box" or "brackets them" while the other explains his/her position. The only goal for the listener is to empathize with the speaker. Then the other side gets to go and the listener does the same exercise. The listener must not interject and must not listen to defend, only to understand. Peck spends pages explaining this, so sorry if I am not clear. Hopefully you get a sense of the concept.
Sexuality is a sensitive topic, so you need to assess whether this is a topic you and hubby can handle maturely and thoughtfully. If you are concerned about anyone's reaction, I would get professional help.
Otherwise, figure out how to bracket and go deep. Brutal and complete honesty is the path to a great relationship. That means sometimes we say things that we later realize were inaccurate or even dysfunctional. Recognize and apologize and keep growing together.