swedish

I had a conversation with my husband after I found out about his emotional affair and told him what you said about initial chemistry and attraction...that eventually it will fade. I also told him if that's what he was seeking, that he should not be married (to me or anyone) that he should be a perpetual dater. I found out about her a few days after I completely broke down (I had suspicions something was going on for a week or so) and he decided then that he did love me and wanted to work things out. He broke things off with her the next day (which is also the day I found out because he forgot his cell phone at home). So, at that point, he said he didn't want that, he did want to stay married but the excitement of it all sucked him right in. In hindsight, he's ashamed that he let himself get caught up in it (he's a brilliant guy and very self-critical) and resents her for coming on to him (looking back he feels she had everything to gain and he had everything to lose) and feels horrible for hurting me the way he has. I never thought I'd stick around after something like this, but never say never I guess. The only way I was able to move forward was to tell him my expectations. That he end all non-professional contact, conversations, lunches, etc (they still work together) and keep me in the loop anytime she does veer from that and that if he ever got to that point again in our marriage, that he would respect me enough to talk to me about it and go from there. What she is currently feeling will fade, but I wouldn't stick around and be her Plan B...She needs to step up and decide to completely end things with him or lose you. You don't deserve to have your emotions played with like this and certainly should not have to compete with anyone for her love.