draconis

Keep in mind today is a different world. When I was younger (17) I lived with my grandmother and ask her how she had kept her marriage so long. Her responce was that after the attraction you have trust, and stability. Those things just are not enough anymore since people want to have it all now a days. They still want to feel great about themselves, they still want the passion and the romance and if their SO can't do it there are now plenty of people that will since divorce is so common and easy now a days.

Relationship like life require more work now a days then ever before. More then are parents or grand parents ever had to deal with.

I was always a romantic so the idea of still writing those love letters to my wife even after ten years of marriage isn't an issue for me, I do that anyways.

We have been able to keep the fire alive because we always touch, through kiss, hugs, holding hands, cuddling, back rubs etc. often it doesn't lead to sex but because of it we have a great sex life.

We always have an open communication too. We are able to talk about anything which wasn't always the case but through trial and error we learned how to talk and listen to each other. We set boundries that each of us feel comfortable with and respect.

After all these years I still find my wife attractive, infact more so now then before. She has confidence in her self and keeps herelf in great shape because of where she works and what she does. My wife says that although she does find me attractive she is never instantly turned on. But it is often my kiss that get her in the mood. But I never expect anything to just happen because when it does it feels magical and I am thankful for the blessing of our relationship.

At parties etc, I think attraction is many factors. Before the onset of my MD I use to dance A LOT. The fact I was always smiling, having a good time made it easy for people to approach me. The more a loof I was the more attraction women had towards me. Mostly before my wife I just wanted to have a good time and being a wall flower with a frown, looking depressed while sipping alcohol didn't fit the bill for me.

So the question to you is does your wife want to be attracted to you, feel like you are attractive and has to compete for you, or have you rebuild the romance like when the two of you first met?

If I had to guess I'd say it was a bit of all three but 80% of the last one. If you ate left overs once without mind and then all of the sudden always had leftovers day in and day out after a while you'd want a fresh meal. I think she might feel that the relationship has gone into complacency and wants to feel alive again.

I see to many people who finally get it when it is to late. When anything that they do will seem fake. In an odd way I am lucky. I lost my first wife due to her cheating. However I learned more about long term relationships from her then anyone else. My second marriage is strong because I have learned what it takes, and how to communicate with my partner.

If your marriage survives this maybe you too will be better off, knowing what to do to keep the spirit of the relationship alive.

I try to do something for the wife every day. Even if it is just a little thing.

draconis

__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973