Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - I cheated-- do I tell him?

CantThinkOfAJUserName · 04-10-2008, 10:27 PM

Riff|{en post brings up a good point in that it is far worse to find out about an affair(s) many years after it ends because it makes the entire marriage feel like a huge lie. Good memories of past events that used to elicit good feelings become tainted and painful. Like Riff I also found out many years later about my ex-wife's affairs and though I tried to reconcile with her it just was just too much for me to endure that I had to divorce her.

You seem like a good person with a conscience and for that reason I want you to ask yourself if you can honestly take the truth about your affair to the grave? How are you going to feel when you husband tells others that he is so lucky to have a faithful and trusted wife?

Some people who favor not telling, may say that confessing an affair to relieve the guilt is extremely selfish but chances are good that they have not been on the receiving end of betrayal and have no idea how harmful it is to keep such a terrible secret for both the betrayed and the betrayer. The affair will always be there and will come to haunt you again and again. To say that your marriage won't be affected by keeping the affair a secret is very naive thinking and fails to recognize that you are here in this forum because it already has.

04-10-2008, 10:27 PM	#17 (permalink)
CantThinkOfAJUserName Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 30	Re: I cheated-- do I tell him? Riff\|{en post brings up a good point in that it is far worse to find out about an affair(s) many years after it ends because it makes the entire marriage feel like a huge lie. Good memories of past events that used to elicit good feelings become tainted and painful. Like Riff I also found out many years later about my ex-wife's affairs and though I tried to reconcile with her it just was just too much for me to endure that I had to divorce her. You seem like a good person with a conscience and for that reason I want you to ask yourself if you can honestly take the truth about your affair to the grave? How are you going to feel when you husband tells others that he is so lucky to have a faithful and trusted wife? Some people who favor not telling, may say that confessing an affair to relieve the guilt is extremely selfish but chances are good that they have not been on the receiving end of betrayal and have no idea how harmful it is to keep such a terrible secret for both the betrayed and the betrayer. The affair will always be there and will come to haunt you again and again. To say that your marriage won't be affected by keeping the affair a secret is very naive thinking and fails to recognize that you are here in this forum because it already has.