I will agree, most marraiges seem to HIDE their problems so very well...they don't want to burden other people or look Bad, everyone wants the aire of "perfection" and honor...... then so many are shocked... "WHAT, they are getting a divorce! How can it be"!@#$%^
We can only rate our own...to our personal standards of what we call ...Happiness
. Even the happiness bar can be different lenghts.
I also feel even the best of marriages ....has imperfections ...but they would still quality for your words.... for a Truly happy passionate loving sexually fullfiiing marraige where a couple grows old together -still with a face that radiates - with an ocean of beautiful memories, a legacy -they will both leave behind -in the hearts of those who knew them. ***
I think when you meet a couple...if you are looking very closely.....it does SHOW ....you feel
a warmness between them... an openness , a sense of ease immediately....you notice how they look at each other.... how they respond to each other. If they don't do these things.. no matter what comes out of their mouth, or how big of
they wear separately.....either they are having #1 a bad day... or #2... they are not as fullfilled as they would like to be. Very possibly.
People who know ME personally, know I am not the hider type, if I had a rant...I RANT loudly, even boldly... I wear my feelings on my sleeve ...around friends that is.
When I didn't like my step mom, I blackened her name. Not very nice of me .... but I needed to vent. Good thing my husband is a wonderful man !! He'd probably have to divorce me just to shut my mouth. (I am exaggerating of course).
In my Mops group, towards the end, I was the one they came to with their intimate questions, cause I always got those ladies talking dirty. Many of them seemed to complain about their husbands, I couldn't relate. I think the only thing I would say against my man is (in all these yrs).... I wish he talked a little more (and be more aggressive in bed - I told a few of them that)... The majority of those Mom's came off enjoying their kids more so... I wanted to ditch my kids & be with my husband, I was the odd ball.
I feel we have THIS type of marraige.
But let me say... Ours has... for the most part, been a pretty smooth ride.....never any serious health issues (my biggest worries in life!)....he's never been laid off, our compatibility is undeniable, we have managed our life very well financially (both frugal) & in raising our kids (big on consequences), communication always good & now that we finally opened up about sex & realized where we missed it = this has SO increased the happiness bar.
Every marraige will have some BAD times... angry moments, misundertandings, CONFLICT, FIGHTS , PMS ....this is all normal....Storms will come, external pressures will visit our door...
I think the key is... are we still holding hands during these storms.... do we still call each other ?...tackling these problems together as a team... still each others biggest fan....
When the "US" becomes "I" or the "We" becomes about "ME" (only takes one partner slipping away).... this is where the "couples" happiness takes a a slow dive...or so I feel.
I would never say we are perfect, but we happily EMBRACE our imperfections ...and love each other anyway.
Love this song about such a marriage - one of my favorites: Matthew Ward: Perfect Union - YouTube