04-16-2012, 10:23 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Originally Posted by moxy
I think that many of us who are separated don't really want to give up our belief that are spouses are the people they had claimed to be, loving, committed, and on our sides, even when their behavior suggests otherwise. When you love someone, you believe in that person enough to take big risks and it's hard to undo that, to accept a loss of faith.
Being separated says, "Here's this problem and it's so big that it can't be ignored so we need to take a Time Out". Acting on a divorce says, "Our problems are unfixable and this is Game Over". Sometimes, we aren't willing to let go of hope that what we dreamt and put our faith into is not going to happen.
Letting go of one's hopes and dreams is the hardest part. I think that the reason some people stay in limbo so long is because they haven't quite given up. Sex and companionship can be easily replaced, but the unique and special bond that intimate partners have feels irreplaceable and that is the what people don't want to lose.
Maybe you just need some time to mourn the loss of the relationship you thought you had?
I suspect that many of us on the board are feeling what you're feeling to some extent.
This is one of the most helpful things I have ever read on TAM. thank you so much! I'm having such a hard time right now :-( Posted via Mobile Device