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Originally Posted by mommy22
I understand your thoughts on the repeated behavior, but in my situation that wouldn't be the case. You see, my husband was the only man I had ever been physical with before this whole mess.Anyone who knows me would be COMPLETELY shocked by this.
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I think you are being naive. If years from now your marriage continues its present path, you may become so emotionally detached from your husband that another affair will be more than likely and it be of the exit type. There's also the possibility that your husband may have an affair of his own which will just make the marriage much more unsalvageable than before. To paraphrase an old saying, what he doesn't know will definitely hurt you.
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Eleven years of marriage-- now tarnished. Now that I'm thinking more clearly, I see the devastation. I'm scared to death of losing my kids. They're my world. He's never been vindictive, but he's never been faced with anything like this. Hopefully, he would realize how much those kids need me and us as a unified couple.
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Unless you live in a country where an unfaithful wife loses custody of her kids, then you have nothing to fear from this. If your are the primary caregiver, then you have an 80% chance that you will get primary custody. Nevertheless, your children would suffer greatly if their father and mother chose to divorce each other. That is another and one of the saddest costs of infidelity.
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Truth is, I've always loved him but I was so weary of being ignored by him.
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Love is a verb which means action and actions speak louder than words. Marriage wise, you and your husband's actions have left a lot to be desired. Besides what makes you think that things will improve if he continues to be unaware of how his behavior contributed to the environment that partly made your affair possible? Seldom due people make conscious choices to change unless there is something that deeply motivates them to do so.
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Now I'm scared he'll never look at me the same. I'm scared to go to a counselor because I had a bad experience with one years ago. I know I have to. I'm tired of being consumed by this. I can't concentrate on anything. I'm afraid despite advice not to tell, it's probably going to have to come out. I don't think I can live with it.
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Of course he's not going to ever look at you in the same way (it is to be expected) but how do you know that his present view of you is any good considering that he hasn't paid attention to you in years? If he can overcome the pain of your betrayal, he may see you as a woman again and not an as an old object that has lost its shine and rarely gets any attention.
Ironic isn't it how even after an affair has long ended, its ghostly presence never leaves until it is exorcised by two motivated spouses.