BrokenFrag

draconis,

your words are quite penetrating. and the thing is, there were no signs of problems until about 4 months ago when there casual friendship at work started turning into something more. there was definitely love. maybe not as perfect as we all want it, but we laughed, we danced, we kissed, we held hands. we told each other we loved each other and we were planning to start a family later this year. no one can say there was no love left. it was only at that point that she started realizing that there might be a problem with our marriage. I understand that he represented everything that she was looking for, but it had none of what we have already built. of course it looked like a fresh start for her. but if she didn't know what was wrong with our relationship, and if she didn't try to fix it, how fresh a start would she have been making. don't you need to close a chapter before writing a new one?

my question to you is, does a child need to get hit by a car before they know not to play in the street? does a person need to shoot themselves in the face before learning that a gun is dangerous?

my wife got so confused by her feelings for this guy that she lost herself. she is a person who has always claimed the utmost integrity. she is wracked with guilt if she gets extra change and keeps it. she has multiple top secret clearances with the government. she is paid well and trusted by all americans to be morally incorruptible. she was so proud of her ability to be trustworthy that she would never tell me the first thing about her work because she shouldn't. even though other people in her office would talk about their work with their significant others. she compromised all that with this guy. she started lying. she started cheating. she started to cause others pain with no remorse, no regret. people get fired from the government for having affairs because they are viewed as a form of corruption. if you would lie, cheat, and hurt a marriage all for some love poetry, what would you do with our nation's secrets should someone with some money or blackmail come along? they put people through 2 day lie detector tests to find out what kind of character they have. She compromised it all. If she has another polygraph exam, she may lose her clearances.

yes, he represented a clean slate, but if everyone just kept putting themselves in bad situations and then running away each time, there would be no love, no marriage, no happiness for anyone. at some point shouldn't someone take a stand?

draconis, i lost my chance at happiness with my wife the day she i found out she cheated on me. at first i wanted another chance for myself. but then as i saw how far down the rabbit hole she was falling, i knew i had no shot, but i also could see right through this guy. she was starting a pattern of destruction again that she had done previously in her life. she can't break out of the cycle of love and hate with herself. i love her, i can't stand idly by while she destroys her life and her chances at happiness. no one but me could or would see all this and tell her that if she constantly runs away from problems that she causes, and constantly chases the quick fixes, and the false pleasures, then she will never be right with herself, she will never be able to lay the foundation for true love and a happiness that will last. a love and a happiness that can withstand temptation and trouble.

do i believe in something that cannot be? what hope for me is there that i will find happiness if no one, especially my wife of 8 years, my best friend, can throw it all out the window the first time something else comes along (not even better) are all people like this out there? does everyone just make excuses and think about nobody but themselves? will i always be alone because there are no more good people left?