BrokenFrag

I already know what I want in life. I always have. I wanted a family. We were talking about starting one this summer. We even had names picked out. And in a matter of 4 months, it is all gone. All gone. Everything I have ever done has been for the benefit of my family. Everything I have been building has been for a family.

It was everything she wanted too. With his help, in just 4 months she replaced me with him in all of her hopes and dreams. In just 4 months she erased 10 years of history and is incapable of looking at me with loving eyes. She can no longer see a future with me.

She chose all of this. She could choose to undo it all. There was nothing wrong enough with our marriage to so completely and totally destroy it this quickly.

How do I move on when nothing makes sense? If I had done something wrong, I could understand. But she says that it really has nothing to do with me, and may actually have nothing to do with him. She just wants to start again. There is no reason. How do you come to terms with something that happened for no reason?

I love her so much and want so badly what we almost had, that I can't let her go. She has actually said that she might try to work on our marriage (probably just to say she tried), but she doesn't know if she wants us to make it. She has admitted to me that she knows that if she and I both wanted it and worked at it that we could probably be happy. She just doesn't know if she wants to do all that work, when a clean start may work out just the same if not better.

She doesn't know what a healthy, happy, loving relationship is because her parents never had one, none of her friends had one (they're either single or divorced), and none of my friends are local, nor have they made it this far. We literally have the best relationship out of anyone else in our lives, but somehow she has convinced herself that something is wrong.

This world is so messed up. I was cursed to love a defective woman, and I don't know if I will ever be able to love again.