Hi. I can definately relate. We have been married for 7 years. It has been filled with huge spans of unemployment or lots of odd jobs, lies and pawning, and many other problems. We also now have 4 children ages 6, 5, 3, and 1. I went back to school last Fall and will graduate this coming December with a BA. Upon beginning school I opened my own savings account with the universities credit union to be able to keep sole control over my student loan money. Good idea since he wasn't working at the time. Lies and lask of interest in supporting our famliy culminate this last December as I felt the need to call and verify he was working. I was informed he was not and gave him several chances to come clean and he insisted it was paperwork error and that he would clear it up. A couple of days later I called back to see if his employment status had changed like he swore to me it had and Nope he still didn't work there.
At this point I was prepared to ask him to move out. However, he is very good at manipulation especially in using our children and talked me into one more chance. So, he started a job January 2nd and has actually kept is so far. I was at my Grandfather's funeral when we recieved our tax return and he proceeded to deposit it in his savings account. Upon my return I asked that the majority of the money be given to me and I would put it in my account to make sure the bills were paid on time. It didn't happen and a couple weeks ago he claimed that there had been fraud on the account and about $1500 is gone. Our balance was just over $3. I was so furious. I still don't know what will happen with that. I honestly don't believe what he tells me so who knows. Before that happened he did go and retrieve about 65 of the 80+ pawned DVD's and he swore to never "steal" from our family again. However, right after this bank fiasco he needed money for perscription meds. This was Thursday morning and he got paid the next day. He says he tried to ask 2 or 3 friends to loan him the money and couldn't get a hold of them and decided to take a few of the movies to the pawn shop and just get them out the next day after getting paid. He actually told me that because he was not charged any interest it was okay. He doesn't understand why him breaking my trust, what little was there, is such a big deal.
I am seeing a counselor right now and it has helped me so much to not be the fix it person that I am and to feel more empowerment in our arguements. In the past I would just try to smooth everything over and make it nice. However, I am so tired of the years of financial strain and flat out lies to my face.
The problem is that being so tired I often find it easier to let things remain the same instead of putting my foot down and saying I am done. Does anyone have any advice as to what to do. I know I don't want to live like this anymore. I have total support from my family as well as my in-laws as they all know the truth about everything.
He says he will change, but he tells me that on a daily basis and I don't see it. You can't just pick and choos the days when you want to be a father, husband, and a overall productive person.
Help!
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