Originally Posted by Martinique78
Oh and she did finally come out and tell her mom. We couldn't do it in person because they live far away. She told her that were were have a very difficult time, that she messed things up very badly and that she is on more medication and that the doctor suggested checking herself in for her hurtful thoughts. She didn't however get into the actual details as to what she did.
I decided to call her mom this morning to find out if she did actuall talk to her and she confirmed it. I asked what she knew and she responded with the same information. I told her that she will never understand the severity of the situation bus she said she doesn't want to hear any of the deatails on what happened because she doesn't know if she could handle it. I just told her that it was bad enough that I couldn't even look at her anymore. She was very upset and tried to give me some advice on staying together and working things out. At least she knows now. Her best friend across the street knows because her husband is one of my best friends and one day before all the really bad details came out I told my friend about a kiss WW and OM shared which he then relayed to his wife. We went to their house for a bonfire and at some point when I walked away his wife yelled at my wife with "what the F is wrong with you" My best friends wife was pissed because she was the one that was out with my wife when the OM showed up at the bar. Apparently my wife had asked her after meeting OM to tell me that OM was a good guy and that I had nothing to worry about.
I asked her why if she knew that day that she made a huge mistake why she wasn't on the phone the next day looking for a counselor but insted on the phone with him probably talking about the fun they had. She told me that she thought I would get supecious if all of a sudden she wanted to see a counselor and she stopped talking to OM. So instead she continued to talk to him, allowed fights between us to develop because of him and most likely continue the sexual acts between them until the day i found out. I also dont think it would have stopped if I didn't find out.
I may have been at fault for some of our issues but what she did was plain evil. Now i'm getting mind f-ed by her to make me out to be the one that drove her to what she did.
She is still hiding the entire truth from you. Most likely it has been a full blown physical affair several times. It is her script to lie to you and try to get others to support her. She is probably telling herself that she can not tell you the whole truth because you would hit the door running if she did. She is justifying her lies in the same manner that she is justifying her cheating. She continues her lies and blame-shifting. I do not see any remorse for what she did - just sorry she got caught and has to stop - for a while. She will start up again as soon as she feels safe.
And you are correct, she would not have stopped if you had not caught her. She tried to get OM to meet you so you would not be suspicious. She tried to get the BF to talk to you about OM and what a great guy he was so you would not be suspicious. She did everything she could think of to turn aside your suspicions so she could continue to have sex with OM.
Now she is blaming everything she did on your supposed bad behavior as a husband. This is BS.
Sorry but she is nowhere near being ready for true R. She may never be. If she has thoughts of self injury, they probably are from the regret, anger, and remorse that her little fantasy life of a single unmarried party girl has ended for now.
Go on your trip and have fun. Forget about trying to talk to her. She is not ready.
You might want to talk to your BF who is the husband of wife's BF. See if he is willing to get more of the truth from her. I'm betting she knows more than you think. Not saying she was supporting the affair, but maybe some times and dates that she had no reason to suspect before take on a new significance now.