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Deejo · 07-09-2009, 01:48 PM

Forcing him to get help - won't help. Which is fine if you want to move away from one another.

A good start would simply be to let him know that he frightened you and what should the ground-rules be to avoid either of you feeling that overwhelmed again.

So what are you arguing about so frequently?

Similar circumstance occured between my ex-wife and I when we were separated. We were arguing, and she told me to get out. I refused. She tried to leave the room and I wouldn't let her. It became apparent after that moment she was frightened. She believed that I intended to harm her - which was never the case, but both of us had crossed the threshold of reason and no longer had the ability to listen, or respond to, what the other was saying.
So come up with rules.
- If it gets angry we end it
- set guidelines for what exactly you need to address, don't pull in other crap.
- Each outline the disagreement from the perspective of the other - that way you both understand the others position.

She truly believed that I was going to beat the crap out of her. It never crossed my mind, but I felt terrible that's what she thought.
I behaved the way I did out of frustration. I'm guessing your husband did the same. Pulling a knife and making a threatening gesture is incredibly stupid - but did you really truly believe that he wanted to harm you? Has he ever physically abused you previously?

07-09-2009, 01:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
Deejo Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: MA Posts: 923	Re: Could my husband be aggressive? Forcing him to get help - won't help. Which is fine if you want to move away from one another. A good start would simply be to let him know that he frightened you and what should the ground-rules be to avoid either of you feeling that overwhelmed again. So what are you arguing about so frequently? Similar circumstance occured between my ex-wife and I when we were separated. We were arguing, and she told me to get out. I refused. She tried to leave the room and I wouldn't let her. It became apparent after that moment she was frightened. She believed that I intended to harm her - which was never the case, but both of us had crossed the threshold of reason and no longer had the ability to listen, or respond to, what the other was saying. So come up with rules. - If it gets angry we end it - set guidelines for what exactly you need to address, don't pull in other crap. - Each outline the disagreement from the perspective of the other - that way you both understand the others position. She truly believed that I was going to beat the crap out of her. It never crossed my mind, but I felt terrible that's what she thought. I behaved the way I did out of frustration. I'm guessing your husband did the same. Pulling a knife and making a threatening gesture is incredibly stupid - but did you really truly believe that he wanted to harm you? Has he ever physically abused you previously?