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sisters359 · 07-09-2009, 01:58 PM

Deejo, I disagree. Pulling a weapon is assault (threatening) and it is an act of intimidation, whether or not it is used. There is absolutely NO justification for it. Stupid does not begin to describe it. Holding someone from moving is also wrong, but it does not involve a weapon. There is a big difference. And even so, once one of you becomes physical in anyway, a lower threshold has been set for next time, making it easy to escalate.

I'm glad you and your wife worked out those guidelines, but I wouldn't even have that discussion if I were Winnie until her husband has been made aware of the very serious implications of his actions.

Winnie, what did he say afterwards? Do you think getting him to counseling will be relatively easy--is he remorseful? Or, is he blaming you, "If you didn't make me so mad, I wouldn't have done it" kind of stuff? If the latter, that is classic abuser language. Run, don't walk, to a safe place while he gets help. Stay with friends or family, and take any kids. If he refuses to get help, get a restraining order so you and the kids can move back home and then make it clear to him that the order will remain in place until a therapist can reassure you that he has worked through his anger management issues. Best of luck.

07-09-2009, 01:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
sisters359 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 937	Re: Could my husband be aggressive? Deejo, I disagree. Pulling a weapon is assault (threatening) and it is an act of intimidation, whether or not it is used. There is absolutely NO justification for it. Stupid does not begin to describe it. Holding someone from moving is also wrong, but it does not involve a weapon. There is a big difference. And even so, once one of you becomes physical in anyway, a lower threshold has been set for next time, making it easy to escalate. I'm glad you and your wife worked out those guidelines, but I wouldn't even have that discussion if I were Winnie until her husband has been made aware of the very serious implications of his actions. Winnie, what did he say afterwards? Do you think getting him to counseling will be relatively easy--is he remorseful? Or, is he blaming you, "If you didn't make me so mad, I wouldn't have done it" kind of stuff? If the latter, that is classic abuser language. Run, don't walk, to a safe place while he gets help. Stay with friends or family, and take any kids. If he refuses to get help, get a restraining order so you and the kids can move back home and then make it clear to him that the order will remain in place until a therapist can reassure you that he has worked through his anger management issues. Best of luck.