Originally Posted by lovelygirl
Just because you can't trust yourself or wife, doesn't mean other can't.
Others can and do all too often. It is common to see young folks have an ideal of total trust is what marriage is about. Not always young but very common.
There is no one on this planet I trust more than my wife. I trust her not to date other men.
So you feel that as long as a couple have complete trust in one another they should be ok with their spouses scheduling alone time with others.
That a spouse who does not have this total trust in their spouse and these other players is jealous, insecure and controlling?
Is this not dating other people? Someone please tell me what the difference is. Intent?
What boundaries do you feel are required? None? Just total trust in your spouse AND these other people to do what feels right?
So certainly if others wish to be ok with their spouses dating as part of their marriage then of course by definition it is ok. It would not be cheating if spouses agreed to this.
So no my wife and I have always had a hard boundary of no dating other people. That would absoltely be absurd for us.
So can we just put some boundaries here? Dating is ok as long as there is no sexual activities? I am assuming that cuddling is out. Holding hands is out. Hugs for longer that two minutes are out. Minimal kissing. No crying together. No sharing of marital issues. Just positive chatter about the spouses. Home by 2am on a weekend and midnight on a school night.
Drinking alcohol is ok. No dressing up too sexy. Just throwing a frisbie and exchanging recipes.
I guess this reminds me of a college life style more than a long term marriage. But folks are free to define thier marriage in any way they wish. It is really only a problem when the assumed views turn out to be different.
I remember someone telling me that being married does not mean you are off the market. I was insulted at first but came to realize what they meant. Not that people will purposely cheat but that there is no magical barrier around us when we are married. We have to enforce boundaries that are right for us.